This is probably my single, most glaring character defect; This need to prove that I am right, at all costs.
It's not that I won't admit when I am wrong. I will, and I do. That isn't the issue. The issue is that if I know I am right, or if I am accused of some action, or motive, or emotion, that is untrue or incorrect, or if someone insists on something which is not factual, I am like a dog with a bone.
I turn into a broken record, saying the same thing, over and over and over, when all it does is piss off the other person. At that point, it doesn't matter if it's the truth, because if it's gotten to that point in an exchange, the truth isn't even what matters anymore. It's just the argument that matters, and I am not going to "win".
All I will do is burn bridges.
I'm not saying, or accepting any premise that truth or facts should matter any less to me, however, I need to accept that if someone doesn't believe me, then repeating it a dozen, or a hundred, or a million times is not going to make them believe me. It's just going to make the situation worse, and if they were already upset or displeased with me for what they perceived I was thinking or feeling or whatever, they will become more upset - not suddenly realise on the eight thousandth retelling that I'm telling the truth or am correct.
That is the definition of insanity; Repeating the same thing, expecting different results.
Yes - It's frustrating. It's infuriating. I hate it when people assume things about what I think or feel or my intentions, based on whatever filters they have, rather than just ASK me, and I hate it almost more when they assume that I have done so, when I ask questions to find out their thinking, and they just decide that I assumed they were thinking X, Y, or Z, when I literally ASKED because I don't know and didn't assume.
But I have no control over other people's thought processes, and cannot stop them from coming to their own conclusions, based on whatever they have experienced, or what they would do, or any other filters through which they may be viewing a situation. I can't force anyone to change their filters any more than I can force a river to reverse its flow.
What I CAN do though, is accept that they are at where they are at, and simply live my life with rigorous honesty, allowing other people to reach their own conclusions, without worrying about whether they are erroneous. The only filters that are my concern are my own.
At the end of the day, what someone else thinks of me, whether they believe me, or what they believe my motivations to be is none of my business. My business is to live authentically and honourably, whether or not anyone is watching and regardless of what anyone watching thinks about it.
And sometimes, I owe amends even when I was not in the wrong initially, not for the perceived or alleged wrong, but for my part in engaging in pointless argument and upset over it, or being resentful, selfish, afraid, or lacking compassion, or unjustly arousing suspicion or bitterness regarding the original issue.
