Thursday, 4 October 2018

Baby Back Ribs (A Parody)

I like pig butts and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with some piggy on a plate
shoving bacon in your face
you get sprung, want to eat it up
'Cause that big pork butt was stuffed
With cornbread stuffing and I'm raring
I'm hooked and I won't be sharing

Oh baby, I want to cook wit'cha
I like your kitchen fixtures
At first you tried to tongue me
But those chops you got make (me so hungry)

Ooh, I like some chitlins
And I'll make you some soup with griskin
Well, you see, I'm choosey
'Cause I need that sausage doozy

I've seen her smokin'
I tell you I'm not jokin'
It's vinaigrette, wet,
She's grillin' up some spareribs next

I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' lean cuts are the thing
Take the barbeque man and ask him that
She gotta pack fatback

So, fellas (yeah) Fellas (yeah)
Has your grocery got the butt? (hell yeah)
Tell 'em to smoke it ( smoke it) smoke it ( smoke it)
smoke that porker butt

Baby back ribs!(spicy sauce with some fried sowbelly)
Baby back ribs!(spicy sauce with some fried sowbelly)

I like 'em ground, and big
And when I'm eatin' a pig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal

I want to get it home
And ugh, heat it up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playdoh
'Cause I want pig parts parts made adobo

I want 'em real thick and juicy
So give me more than a nibble
Look at that sauce dribble
Beggin' for a piece of that kibble

So I'm lookin' at food videos
Omeletes with cheese and chorizo
You can feed the dingos
I'll eat my bacon with jo jos

A word to the health nut hipstas, don't want to get with ya
I might cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I want to eat
Til the break of dawn
Smoked hogs got it goin' on
A lot of simps like buttered clams
But if it ain't made of piglet just quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
Make it with ham or maybe spam
And I'm down to hit the sandwich stand

So, ladies (Yeah) Ladies (Yeah)
Lets hit the drive-thru in my Mercedes (Yeah)
Then turn around and dish it out
Eat some tenderloin of sow
Baby back ribs
Baby back ribs

Yeah, baby, when it comes to meat sales
Costco ain't got nothin'
on Safeway's pork selection
$36.20 for thirty pounds
Oh yeah. It's a BBQ dream!

So your girlfriend from Rwanda, makes bratwurst that I'm fond of
She spawned a boar eatin' monster and named her Rhonda
My sister Wanda don't want none
Unless you grill the buns, hon

You can smoke sides of beef or brisket
But please don't skip that shoat
Some brothers want to play that hard role
And tell you pork belly ain't gol'
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
If the label says lowfat
Well I ain't down with that
'Cause your roast is done and it's finger lickin'
And I forgot about chicken.

Now the bean sprout dishes in the magazines
They ain't it, Miss Thing
Give me a biscuit, I can't resist it
Some salt pork fryin' in the skillet
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his menu's not on my list
He had hot links but he chose to boil 'em
I told him that would spoil 'em
So ladies, if the cook ain't home,
And you want some smoked neck bone,
Dial 1-900-BAR-B-QUE
And lick that tasty sauce

Baby back ribs
Baby back ribs

© Khaos WolfKat 2016

Saturday, 28 July 2018


I made Sushi! This is my first time actually making sushi on my own. I helped make some many years ago for an event, but all the ingredients were already prepped then, so I just learned to roll it.

This time, I did it all from scratch. I made my own seasoning for the rice and mixed it in, did all the seeding and cutting the fillings, and rolled them myself. 

The first couple, I used the mat for rolling, but I quickly figured out I could actually roll them faster and better freehand, and only using the mats for final shaping/firming.

I ended up making 11 rolls, total, with the help of my granddaughter, who absolutely ADORES sushi as well.

We had 2 of them whilst still very warm yesterday, cause we couldn't wait. They were decent, but didn't hold together very well and the flavours were just so-so. After chilling the rolls overnight, they cut better, held together just fine, and tasted worlds better! It's amazing what a difference it made.  

Considering how easy and CHEAP it is to make at home, not to mention how fresh it is, I'm not sure I'll be spending the money on pre-made  sushi again any time soon.

Thursday, 10 May 2018

PersonHood Protector - A PSA for those FW in need!

Note: "Those FW in need", specifically refers to those for whom their "personhood" is more important that beliefs they claim to follow and their natural state of femaleness, and seem to believe that anything less than belittling men and railing against the natural order means having that "personhood" forcibly removed from them. If the shoe fits, and all that...

I drew this a few years ago in response to a whole spate of FetLife threads and posts from dissatisfied free women, full of man bashing and hateful spew. Several of the FW in question were self-identified "panthers" - ie: women who, by definition, reject Gorean society and philosophies - which simply boggles my mind in its own right (and is the subject of another writing of mine)
 One woman in particular kept going on about how the men were trying to remove her "personhood", just because she has [female body parts], and regularly referred to any men who failed to fall into line with her wishes as "boys". The main theme from this, and certain other women seemed to be that no man has the right to tell a free woman anything, and that because this is Earth, not Gor, women are NOT "free by the will of men", but rather, free naturally, (incorrect, and the subject of yet another of my writings) and such ideas do not apply here. After trying to engage in rational discussion with said women, and getting nowhere except decried as a "slave in robes", the slave and/or whore of [insert various men's names here], and other such mature salvoes, I decided to put my energy into something more amusing and satisfying to me. 

Not surprisingly, it earned me bans in a couple FW groups. Unexpectedly, it got me elevated to mod status in one other. LOL.  
It seems many women want to claim to be Gorean, as long as it means they are "mistresses", but wish to reject the whole bit about deferring to men or not being exactly equal to men and all. I don't get it. If you're into FemDom, or otherwise not cool with a patriarchal system, why would you identify as Gorean, when Gor is, so very clearly, "a man's world"?

Thursday, 8 March 2018

How to get a positive response from me

(posted here so people not on FetLife can also read it)

Before you message me:

❆ At least read this entire post. I'd prefer you read my entire profile, actually, but this post is a minimum requirement.
❆ Don't message me with requests or invitations for sex, kink, or wank fodder, telling me that you're horny, discussions about my or your sexual habits/desires/fantasies/fetishes, or anything else that would be inappropriate to say to a random stranger in person.
In other words, approach me as a human being, not a fetish/sex dispenser, prostitute, or object on display for your viewing pleasure.
❆ bear in mind that I'm not going to carry the conversation for you, and you should have at least read enough of my profile to see if we even have anything in common on which to base a conversation, and to make sure you aren't asking me questions which are already answered here.
I put a lot of time and effort into making a profile that tells you who I am and what I'm about. At least be willing to put in the small effort of a few minutes reading before sending me a message based only on my gender, location, or pictures.
❆ I HATE "text speak" (how ru, wat u up2, etc). I like proper spelling, grammar, and intelligent conversation.
If you are just looking for play sessions, without the whole, getting to know me part, you may contact me via my sessions page. My inbox is for personal contact only, not professional.

Would be slaves/subs who are interested in serving me:

Read my entire profile, the blog entry here, my limits list, and this.
❆ Those who do not will be ignored, told off, and/or or mocked. I am not interested in so called slaves who do not follow directions.


You should message me if...

❆ You are capable of and willing to send an actual message that contains some meaningful content, at least an attempt at passable spelling, grammar, and punctuation, DOES NOT CONTAIN your unsolicited fetish shopping list, fantasies, "erotica", photos, or requests for sex, kink, or photos (this includes leading with sex or kink!), and does not contain text speak (ie:"how ru", "ASL", and such).
Honestly, if you can't take the extra few moments to type out an introduction and decent message, using complete words, how in the world am I to believe you'd take the time to get to know me beyond, "hey baby u want 2 get kinky sexy?"
❆ You are open minded, rigorously honest, loving (to all!), free thinking, open to new explorations of mind, body and soul, erotic and sensual, creative, expressive, passionate and in love with life, living and all the possibilities contained therein.
❆ You're a geek.
❆ you're a Metalhead.
❆ You are self confident or are striving to become more so.
❆ You don't care for social mores or taboos. (and you don't use that as an excuse to be a douche!)
❆ You are easily amused or entertained and/or you like girls who are.
❆ You're Gorean or interested in Gorean philosophies.
❆ You want to play cool card/board games with me!
(I have lots of them.. Just need the opponents!)
❆ You want to converse about any of the above topics.
❆ You are seeking a strict, loving, and nurturing mistress to serve, please and obey. (Follow above instructions before contacting me!)
❆ You're NOT interested in "cybering" or phone sex and not into casual fucking without a basis of at least friendship (well, okay, you can be into it, but not with me).
❆ You are NOT interested in "discreet" play,
❆ You're NOT "poly, but your s/o doesn't know it" (that's called cheating!).
❆ You are NOT interested in engaging in any dishonest or deceitful activities or trying to get me to do so.
❆ You just feel like messaging me (as long as the previous 4 apply to you as well)

Full profile

 Please click here before messaging or sending friend requests! Failure to do so will likely result in no or a negative response.

 My name is Khaos.

I am a free woman. I am not a "Domme" or a "sub". I am a naturally dominant woman with submissive tendencies, who knows her place in the order of nature. This means that I am conditionally deferential to free/dominant men, and may submit to certain men, at my own discretion. I will frequently use "Sir", as a term of respect, and will be deferential and generally respectful to free men until/unless they give me cause to withdraw it, at which time, I will do my best to remain civil, at the very least. That said, my patience is not infinite.

I am not submissive to women. If you are a FW, domme, mistress, etc, I will treat you with respect as an equal so long as you remain worthy of such. Please do not push the issue - just accept this and move on. 

I don't give out my phone number, Skype, or any other personal contact information to strangers. If I haven't gotten to know you well enough to feel comfortable doing so, that means you are a stranger. If I do feel I know you well enough, then I will offer it to you. Please do not ask.

I'm into music more than anything else, whether it's making it, listening to it, thinking about it or talking about it. Music is the one thing in the world that, without which, I think I would just shrivel up and cease to exist. I listen to about anything, but my passion is metal! Melodic death, black metal, power metal, Viking metal, thrash, speed, operatic/symphonic/epic metal...All things metal!
Some favourite bands in no particular order

I tend to be a bit of an introvert.
This isn't to say that I don't like people.. On the contrary, I love people, as long as it's in moderation. I can be very social and a total "people person" for a reasonable period of time, but then I need to go isolate in my cave for a while and get my solitude fix. A lot of people don't like that about me and feel I'm antisocial. Those who are worth my time will accept that it is part of what makes me me.
I am very open minded and respectful of almost any/all beliefs, but do not tolerate hate or bigotry in any form at all in my presence (Note that I do not hold ANYTHING too sacred to joke about.. I am talking about attitudes of actual intolerance).
Pretty much the only parts of any belief systems I have a problem with are the idea that everyone else is wrong and anything that harms others.
As for my own beliefs, they are many and varied.

There are many things I identify as. These include, but are not limited to: Metalhead, Gorean, biker, hippie, warrior, spiritual, geek, poly, kinky, pansexual.
Labels are a convenience. They do not define me.

Consent, honesty, mindfulness and integrity are words to live by in my world.
Things I enjoy doing, things I'm good at, things I like to think about...

I am NOT looking for relationships, hookups, FWB, sex, or romance with men. 
  • I have NO sexual or romantic interest in submissive males. At all. Period. No, you are not the exception, no matter how good you think you are.
  • The ONLY use I may have for an additional male slave is a beast of burden who will take care of the heavier manual labour which has become too much for my slave boy.
I will not cohabit with or relocate for anyone. Period. This is not negotiable.

I am actively looking for:
I am open to
  • Meeting people with whom I connect spiritually, emotionally, mentally and philosophically and exploring conversation, gaming, friendship, and non sexual fun.
  • New, female partners for play, dating, and potentially more.
 I am provisionally open to:
  • Bottoming for real life (not cyber/role play) BDSM play, with or without a D/s and/or service element. (Please note that "BDSM play" ≠ "kinky sex". If you are looking to get your dick wet, please move along. I'm not the droid you're looking for!)
  • Submitting within a service and protocol oriented (as opposed to sexually oriented) D/s dynamic with a strong focus on motivating me to maintain good habits, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in addition to service aspects. Clearly defined rules, expectations, routines, discipline, and communication are essential. Local preferred, though long distance is doable. I will NOT be relocating.

Just for the sake of "truth in advertising", I tend to be a bit of a social flake. What this means.

I absolutely take responsibility and ownership of and for for my own actions, quirks, traits, shortcomings and insecurities and just as absolutely refuse to take responsibility or ownership for/of yours or those of any other adult. I am compassionate, but believe in tough love and doing one's own footwork, so if you invite me to your pity party, expect me to bring party favours laden with brutal truth.

You have been warned! ;)

Some more of my favourite things

The six things I could never do without

Put this stupid cat on your profile to show that you will post any fucking
..../\„,„/\ thing on your profile that people tell you to.
...( =';'= ) If you are Sydney University, you don't have permission
..../♥♥\ to post this cat anywhere at all because it is on my profile.
..(.|.|..|.|.) This is TOTALLY legally binding and stuff, so you
totally have to do what I say! Seriously! I mean it! Hey! Where are
you goi........ Dammit! Not again!

I HATE the Fecking Telephone!!

I HATE talking on the telephone, unless, for some reason, it is the most efficient (for me) way to accomplish a task. 

I am told that many of the reasons have to do with my being on the autism spectrum, though some of them (I believe) just make sense anyway. 
  • I can't think about my responses without awkward silences, usually causing the other person to get mad at me and think I'm ignoring them.
  • I don't know when it's my turn to talk (versus the other person pausing for a second), which makes people mad at me for either interrupting or not answering them at the right time. 
  • I don't get the conventions regarding when it's time to hang up. I assume once someone has said, "bye", I can hang up, but no... Apparently, I'm actually supposed to wait until I am sure the person doesn't have more to say, even though they signalled the conversation was over by voicing a farewell. Then if I hang up before that, I am rude (again, making people mad at me). So then I am often sitting there in awkward silence (are you seeing a theme here?) waiting for the other person to either say something else or hang up.
  • I can't focus on a phone conversation NEARLY as well as I can with a written one. 
  • Phone conversations have no archive to refer back to to recall exactly what was said. It is left up to our notoriously faulty memories.