Thursday, 8 March 2018

How to get a positive response from me

(posted here so people not on FetLife can also read it)

Before you message me:

❆ At least read this entire post. I'd prefer you read my entire profile, actually, but this post is a minimum requirement.
❆ Don't message me with requests or invitations for sex, kink, or wank fodder, telling me that you're horny, discussions about my or your sexual habits/desires/fantasies/fetishes, or anything else that would be inappropriate to say to a random stranger in person.
In other words, approach me as a human being, not a fetish/sex dispenser, prostitute, or object on display for your viewing pleasure.
❆ bear in mind that I'm not going to carry the conversation for you, and you should have at least read enough of my profile to see if we even have anything in common on which to base a conversation, and to make sure you aren't asking me questions which are already answered here.
I put a lot of time and effort into making a profile that tells you who I am and what I'm about. At least be willing to put in the small effort of a few minutes reading before sending me a message based only on my gender, location, or pictures.
❆ I HATE "text speak" (how ru, wat u up2, etc). I like proper spelling, grammar, and intelligent conversation.
If you are just looking for play sessions, without the whole, getting to know me part, you may contact me via my sessions page. My inbox is for personal contact only, not professional.

Friend requests:

❆ I do not friend anyone on here with whom I have not shared at least some meaningful conversation, if not met in person, and have interests, philosophies, and/or world-views in common.
Even if I do know you, in real life or from elsewhere online, unless you know for a fact that your username and/or pics will tell me who you are, you should message me with a heads-up, or I'll likely not accept the add.

Would be slaves/subs who are interested in serving me:

Read my entire profile, the blog entry here, my limits list, and this before contacting me.
❆ Those who do not will be ignored, told off, and/or or mocked. I am not interested in so called slaves who do not follow directions.


You should message me if...

❆ You are capable of and willing to send an actual message that contains some meaningful content, at least an attempt at passable spelling, grammar, and punctuation, DOES NOT CONTAIN your unsolicited fetish shopping list, fantasies, "erotica", photos, or requests for sex, kink, or photos (this includes leading with sex or kink!), and does not contain text speak (ie:"how ru", "ASL", and such).
Honestly, if you can't take the extra few moments to type out an introduction and decent message, using complete words, how in the world am I to believe you'd take the time to get to know me beyond, "hey baby u want 2 get kinky sexy?"
❆ You are open minded, rigorously honest, loving (to all!), free thinking, open to new explorations of mind, body and soul, erotic and sensual, creative, expressive, passionate and in love with life, living and all the possibilities contained therein.
❆ You're a geek.
❆ you're a Metalhead.
❆ You are self confident or are striving to become more so.
❆ You don't care for social mores or taboos. (and you don't use that as an excuse to be a douche!)
❆ You are easily amused or entertained and/or you like girls who are.
❆ You're Gorean or interested in Gorean philosophies.
❆ You want to play cool card/board games with me!
(I have lots of them.. Just need the opponents!)
❆ You want to converse about any of the above topics.
❆ You are seeking a strict, loving, and nurturing mistress to serve, please and obey. (Follow above instructions before contacting me!)
❆ You're NOT interested in "cybering" or phone sex and not into casual fucking without a basis of at least friendship (well, okay, you can be into it, but not with me).
❆ You are NOT interested in "discreet" play,
❆ You're NOT "poly, but your s/o doesn't know it" (that's called cheating!).
❆ You are NOT interested in engaging in any dishonest or deceitful activities or trying to get me to do so.
❆ You just feel like messaging me (as long as the previous 4 apply to you as well)

Full profile

 Please click here before messaging or sending friend requests! Failure to do so will likely result in no or a negative response.

 My name is Khaos.

I am a free woman. I am not a "Domme" or a "sub". I am a naturally dominant woman with submissive tendencies, who knows her place in the order of nature. This means that I am conditionally deferential to free/dominant men, and may submit to certain men, at my own discretion. I will frequently use "Sir", as a term of respect, and will be deferential and generally respectful to free men until/unless they give me cause to withdraw it, at which time, I will do my best to remain civil, at the very least. That said, my patience is not infinite.

I am not submissive to women. If you are a FW, domme, mistress, etc, I will treat you with respect as an equal so long as you remain worthy of such. Please do not push the issue - just accept this and move on. 

I don't give out my phone number, Skype, or any other personal contact information to strangers. If I haven't gotten to know you well enough to feel comfortable doing so, that means you are a stranger. If I do feel I know you well enough, then I will offer it to you. Please do not ask.

I'm into music more than anything else, whether it's making it, listening to it, thinking about it or talking about it. Music is the one thing in the world that, without which, I think I would just shrivel up and cease to exist. I listen to about anything, but my passion is metal! Melodic death, black metal, power metal, Viking metal, thrash, speed, operatic/symphonic/epic metal...All things metal!
Some favourite bands in no particular order

I tend to be a bit of an introvert.
This isn't to say that I don't like people.. On the contrary, I love people, as long as it's in moderation. I can be very social and a total "people person" for a reasonable period of time, but then I need to go isolate in my cave for a while and get my solitude fix. A lot of people don't like that about me and feel I'm antisocial. Those who are worth my time will accept that it is part of what makes me me.
I am very open minded and respectful of almost any/all beliefs, but do not tolerate hate or bigotry in any form at all in my presence (Note that I do not hold ANYTHING too sacred to joke about.. I am talking about attitudes of actual intolerance).
Pretty much the only parts of any belief systems I have a problem with are the idea that everyone else is wrong and anything that harms others.
As for my own beliefs, they are many and varied.

There are many things I identify as. These include, but are not limited to: Metalhead, Gorean, biker, hippie, warrior, spiritual, geek, poly, kinky, pansexual.
Labels are a convenience. They do not define me.

Consent, honesty, mindfulness and integrity are words to live by in my world.
Things I enjoy doing, things I'm good at, things I like to think about...

I am NOT looking for relationships, hookups, FWB, sex, or romance with men. 

I will not cohabit with or relocate for anyone. Period. This is not negotiable.

I am actively looking for:
I am open to
  • Meeting people with whom I connect spiritually, emotionally, mentally and philosophically and exploring conversation, gaming, friendship, and non sexual fun.
  • New, female partners for play, dating, and potentially more.
 I am provisionally open to:
  • Bottoming for real life (not cyber/role play) BDSM play, with or without a D/s and/or service element. (Please note that "BDSM play" ≠ "kinky sex". If you are looking to get your dick wet, please move along. I'm not the droid you're looking for!)
  • A service and protocol oriented (as opposed to sexually oriented) D/s dynamic with a strong focus on motivating me to maintain good habits, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in addition to service aspects. Clearly defined rules, expectations, routines, discipline, and communication are essential. Local preferred, though long distance is doable. I will NOT be relocating.

Just for the sake of "truth in advertising", I tend to be a bit of a social flake. What this means.

I absolutely take responsibility and ownership of and for for my own actions, quirks, traits, shortcomings and insecurities and just as absolutely refuse to take responsibility or ownership for/of yours or those of any other adult. I am compassionate, but believe in tough love and doing one's own footwork, so if you invite me to your pity party, expect me to bring party favours laden with brutal truth.

You have been warned! ;)

Some more of my favourite things

The six things I could never do without

Put this stupid cat on your profile to show that you will post any fucking
..../\„,„/\ thing on your profile that people tell you to.
...( =';'= ) If you are Sydney University, you don't have permission
..../♥♥\ to post this cat anywhere at all because it is on my profile.
..(.|.|..|.|.) This is TOTALLY legally binding and stuff, so you
totally have to do what I say! Seriously! I mean it! Hey! Where are
you goi........ Dammit! Not again!

I HATE the Fecking Telephone!!

I HATE talking on the telephone, unless, for some reason, it is the most efficient (for me) way to accomplish a task. 

I am told that many of the reasons have to do with my being on the autism spectrum, though some of them (I believe) just make sense anyway. 
  • I can't think about my responses without awkward silences, usually causing the other person to get mad at me and think I'm ignoring them.
  • I don't know when it's my turn to talk (versus the other person pausing for a second), which makes people mad at me for either interrupting or not answering them at the right time. 
  • I don't get the conventions regarding when it's time to hang up. I assume once someone has said, "bye", I can hang up, but no... Apparently, I'm actually supposed to wait until I am sure the person doesn't have more to say, even though they signalled the conversation was over by voicing a farewell. Then if I hang up before that, I am rude (again, making people mad at me). So then I am often sitting there in awkward silence (are you seeing a theme here?) waiting for the other person to either say something else or hang up.
  • I can't focus on a phone conversation NEARLY as well as I can with a written one. 
  • Phone conversations have no archive to refer back to to recall exactly what was said. It is left up to our notoriously faulty memories.

Sunday, 7 January 2018

"Switch"? ~ What it Means Pertaining to Me

I am not "a Domme" or "a sub", and definitely not a slave.
I am a free woman with a generally dominant personality, who lives by Gorean principles and philosophies in real life, and also engages in BDSM activities.

I tend to be "toppy" toward those on the more submissive end of the continuum, though I do usually at least defer to free men, and will conditionally submit to those I deem worthy of such.
I've been meaning to write this for quite a while now, for various reasons.
Apparently, the "switch" moniker is very confusing to some people, so I will go into detail here about what it does - and doesn't - mean, in my case.
We'll start with the "doesn'ts", since those seem to be the most oft misunderstood.

"Switch" does NOT mean: 

  • I go back and forth from free to slave.

It's a BDSM activity preference - not an indication of status. I am free. Period. Submitting on occasion or to certain people does not make me "a sub". It just means I have submissive traits along with the dominant ones.
  • I will do/be/play whatever role you are seeking
I'm not a freaking fetish dispenser!
  • my role within any specific D/s dynamic is flexible
It isn't. The boss is the boss, and stays the boss. The sub/slave obeys.

"Switch DOES mean (for me)

  • I enjoy both "topping" and "bottoming" in BDSM activities/scenes, regardless of D/s involvement (or lack thereof) at various times and with different people.
  • I respond in different ways to different people or types of people - Some people trip the dominant trigger, some trip the submission trigger, and some people do neither. That's just the way I'm wired. Telling me what I "should" do, or trying to demand, cajole, whine, bitch, or otherwise manipulate me into relating to you in your desired manner will backfire. Badly!

For a more in-depth look at the topic...

The word, "switch", for me, is only a label for convenience. It doesn't encapsulate who or what I AM.
I am a strong woman with a dominant personality and submissive tendencies.
I believe in the natural order of things, and that D/s is not a clear cut, either/or sort of thing. Rather, dominance and submission are character traits on a continuum, which vary from person to person, with every person falling somewhere on the scale, creating somewhat of a hierarchy. It was recently compared by someone in a discussion to that of a wolf pack. I tend to agree with that allegory, as well as a comparison to serving in the Armed Forces. That means that a single person may be submissive or subordinate to some, whilst outranking or being dominant to others, at the same time. It's not two, separate "roles". It is simply that there are more than two "ranks" in life, and in nature.
I will not separate out my dominant and submissive traits into separate "personas". They are not. I am me. I am a whole, integrated, complete person, with many different facets. I choose to embrace that.
Neither will I "dumb down", pretend to be less than, submit, or pretend to submit to anyone, simply by virtue of their gender, status, or because they claim a certain title or position. I will start out being respectful to others, and will defer, to a degree, to free men as long as they don't give me reason to do otherwise. From there, they will either earn my respect, and the added deference that may accompany it, or they will earn... something less, and I will do my best to at least remain civil, so long as they can avoid pushing me too far.
Do not mistake a respectful demeanor, good manners, polite deference, or knowing my place in the natural order of things for outright submission. There is a distinct difference, and making assumptions is an unwise idea.
I do not submit to women. No, it's not "fair". Neither is it (as has been accused on multiple occasions), "discrimination", any more than having a specific sexual orientation is "discrimination". It simply is how I am wired.
My submissive tendencies are most often likely to be triggered by strong, dominant men, and I will, in general, tend to be more deferential to such men. It takes a man who is more dominant than I - along with being someone who I trust implicitly, like, and possibly love - to earn my submission.




Friday, 17 November 2017

Black Friday Thankstaking Dinner

This is the menu so far for the Black Friday Thankstaking Dinner

Arrival drinks and snacks 
  • Coffee ~ Organic, fair trade, shade grown, dark roast. 
  • Ice water
  • Hot, mulled apple cider
  • Eggnog
  • Apricot bacon baked Brie
  • Cracker assortment
  • Dolmas (stuffed grape leaves)
  • Cream cheese & olive stuffed celery
  • Devilled eggs

  • Smoked turkey
  • Browned flour turkey gravy
  • Cornbread stuffing
  • Savoury cranberry sausage dressing
  • Scalloped potatoes 
  • Roasted maple bacon yams and butternut squash
  • Spinach parmesan casserole
  • Candied orange cranberry sauce
  • Frosty cold butterbeer

  • Pumpkin pie
  • Apple pie
  • Cherry pie 
  •  Dessert coffee

Additional beverages ~ (available throughout on request)
  •  Milk
  • Assorted teas
  • Ginger ale
  • Crystal Light

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Trick or Treat!!

Why do I have to choose? I want everyone to do neat tricks for my amusement whilst giving me treats! Is that really so much to ask?

It's great finally having a place of my own again so I can decorate for the holidays, and Samhain/Halloween/All Hallows Eve/whatever you want to call it is my absolute favourite of them all! 

I got started with just a couple things, and added throughout the month. Next year, I'll have all my belongings unpacked and will be able to have a better setup, and I eventually plan on having decor to rival some of my Halloween scenes of old (olde?). 

Of course, I don't have a late 1800s built, big house anymore like I did back then, so no spooky eyes staring from an attic window, or blacklighted porch with creepy sounds. It's all smaller scale.

 On the other hand, technology has come a LONNNNG way, and supplies are a click away nowadays, so it's a trade off. 

I LOVE Amazon! They sell everything!

This was the first time I made Jack-O-NOT-Lanterns.
AKA, drawing the faces on instead of carving the pumpkin.
 It's also the first time I thought to use other squash in addition to pumpkins for decorating purposes. I have NO idea why I never thought of that before!
 Yes... Yes that kitty-cat-o-not-a-lantern DOES say, "Happy Meow-Loween". And  yes, I AM aware of just how terrible that is. Look at the kitty! Now, think of the bad joke again!
You're welcome.
The butternut Jack is meant to be wearing a top hat. It's the first time I've attempted to draw a top hat - EVER - let alone drawing it on a non flat surface. 
Ahh well. I still think it turned out looking alright.  

At least the face looks cool. Maybe I'll use paints instead of just Sharpies next time.

All in all, not a bad setup on limited time and supplies, I think. 

 I had been planning  a pretty elaborate Queen of Hearts costume since last year, and then wound up having my stuff held hostage for almost 5 months after I moved.
 Unfortunately, by the time I FINALLY got everything, it was far too late to finish constructing it, so I had to throw something together at the last minute. 

Add funky socks, a weird wig, and some makeup to a dress I already had, and it's a costume! I couldn't tell you what, exactly, I'm meant to be.

 A witch, perhaps? I dunno. Either way, I got lots of compliments on the costume, and I had FUN! So, I'm happy. 

Monday, 16 October 2017

Presto Pesto Potato Roast

  As promised in this post, here is another of the recipes born of my extra large produce haul. 

  • about 1 lb fingerling potatoes, cut as needed to bite size pieces
  • 2-3 large carrots, sliced thickly, greens removed (don't throw them out! You can use them for the pesto.)
  • about 1 lb fresh green beans, ends snapped off and broken to bite size pieces 
  • several healthy shakes Montreal steak seasoning 
  • about 1 cup presto pesto (recipe here)
  1. Preheat oven to 400°F
  2. Prep/cut veggies and toss them in a large, cast iron skillet or roasting pan with the seasoning and pesto. 
  3. Roast in 400°F until veggies are tender and slightly browned (about 30-40 minutes), stirring a couple times to make sure everything browns/cooks evenly. 
  4. Serve with a flourish (optional)
  5. Pretend/allow your family or guests to think it took a lot more time and effort to prepare (optional)
  6.  Enjoy! (Probably not optional)
The finished product isn't nearly as pretty as it is in progress, I admit. That said, the textures and flavour more than make up for the presentation. If you really want to make it look better, garnish with a dollop of uncooked pesto and a bit of carrot greens. That will dress it up nicely. My batch got eaten up too fast to allow for any fancy looking garnishes!