Sunday, 17 February 2019

Conversation NON - Starters!

 ~ CONGRATULATIONS, Lucky Winner! ~

Your prize is a post full of useful advice to help you not be a douche! PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, read on before you send even ONE MORE unsolicited message!!

Since none of the dudebros seem to be able to comprehend the meaning of simple, key phrases and words located in profiles (or read fucking profiles at ALL), I've decided to further break them down into even simpler explanations. These rules apply to at least 99% of ALL women, everywhere. If you don't follow all these helpful hints, and wonder why you keep striking out, be advised; The women you try to talk to are not stuck up, bitches, cunts, etc. The problem is YOU!

I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

  •     READ their fucking profile! No, really, READ IT. Before you message. Then follow directions and respect boundaries!
  •      "No", in any form (outside of an already established D/s dynamic or negotiated scene), does not mean, "try harder", "maybe", "only if you explain to me why your peen is teh [not a typo] magic one", or "please shower me with insults, abuse, and threats of rape and/or other violence now". It fucking means "NO", you bucking funt!
  •     The proper way to start a conversation with a stranger is NOT a demand for someone's age, sex/gender, and/or location. EVER! Period! That's none of your fucking business. Besides, if you had read their fucking profile, it probably would have told you, you diseased rhinoceros pizzle.
  •     "Lesbian" does not mean, "hasn't found teh magic peen". Are you willing to try the cocks of random strangers to determine whether you are SURE you don't like cock?? No? Then don't expect anyone else to, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous poo fungus.
  •     Women are not sex or fetish vending machines. If you want pussy or kink on demand, hire a sex worker. If you treat them like you apparently treat random women on the internet, expect to pay an extra, "douchebarrel surcharge".
  •     If you don't have anything more interesting to say than, "hi", "hru", or some other banal nonsense, try reading their profile and coming up with something of substance to say. We aren't here to entertain you on demand. If you want a conversation, make actual conversation. Duh! 
  •     Unless actually asked, talking about your sexual preferences, desires, or telling a woman you are horny, sharing details or photos of your genitals is RUDE and unwanted! Don't fucking do it, you slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit.

Now, if you have managed to get this far, without  defaulting to a butthurt, tantrum tirade, and would like to actually converse with, and/or get to know the woman you messaged, start with the profile!!

Click here for a link to mine.

And if you want to know how to get a positive response from me, specifically, click here.

Saturday, 22 December 2018

🎄Yule 🎁Celebration🎅, Gathering & 🍽️Dinner🍗 ~ 2018

Wednesday, December 26th, 2018
 1300 ~ 1830
(1pm ~ 6:30pm)

  • After all the mandatory appearances, awkward dinner conversation (or non conversation), and interactions with judgey/well meaning/clueless/Trump supporting/creepy/just plain annoying family, coworkers, neighbours, or whatever, come and hang out with your chosen (with or without shared DNA!) family for a few minutes, a few hours, or all damn day. 
  • We'll listen to unconventional holiday tunes, talk about whatever spills out of our gobs, whilst filling them with tasty treats, open gifts, maybe play some games (CAH, Kittens in a Blender, MtG, and many more!) and feast until we're fair fit to burst! 
  • If you can/would like to bring a dish or snack to share, let me know, and I'll add it to the menu! 
  • Ingredients available on request - actual recipes if you ask really nicely. 
  • Bring gifts for people or don't. It's all good. 
  • Wear whatever makes you happy and comfortable. Dress up if you like, don't if you don't like; It's all good!
  • There's no pressure to stay for a specific amount of time or do all the things. If you just want to pop in for a few, eat and run, veg out in the corner watching without interacting, drop off or pick up gifts (We might try and peer pressure you into opening stuff here, so everyone can watch,but not too much).
  • This is an alcohol, drug (pot on the back patio or in your car is ok), and bigotry free space, so don't bring any of those here. 
  • It's not a "safe space" or a PC gathering,  and there won't be content or trigger warnings. Tehre might be terrible jokes, all kinds of "isms" discussed and/or mocked, and plenty of other horribleness. If you are too fragile to handle the mere mention of ... well, anything, you'd be more comfortable elsewhere. That doesn't mean being a douche to others is tolerated, but the "-ist police aren't invited".

  • 1300 - Door unlocks, snacks, social, waiting for people to show up, etc
  • 1400 - Gifts and more snacks and stuff
  • 1600/1700 - Let the feasting begin!
  • 1830 - Everybody Go away.
  • 1900 - No, really... I love you and enjoyed your visit. Now take your prezzies and leftovers and GTFO of my house!
  • Snacks
    • Dolmas  (stuffed grape leaves)
    • Apricot bacon smoked Brie
    • Cracker assortment
    • Festive Fruit & Nut Mix
    • Cream Cheese & Olive Stuffed Celery
    • Snickerdoodles
  • Beverages
    • Coffee (Organic, fair trade, shade grown, dark roast)
    • Eggnog
    • Wassail (spiced, holiday cider)
    • Sparkling Ciders
    • Misc juices, soft drinks, and, of course, plenty of water
  • Starters
    • Cream of Onion Soup
    • Wilted lettuce salad (AKA Mom salad)
  • Mains
    • Smoked Turkey
    • Apple Pear Seared Pork Roast
  • Sides
    • Cranberry Pomegranate Wild Rice & Sausage
    • Maple Bacon Roasted Yams
    • Cornbread Stuffing
    • Turkey Gravy
  • Desserts
    • Pecan Pie
    • Snickerdoodles
    • Cranberry Candied Orange Pecan Bread Pudding

Thursday, 4 October 2018

Baby Back Ribs (A Parody)

I like pig butts and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with some piggy on a plate
shoving bacon in your face
you get sprung, want to eat it up
'Cause that big pork butt was stuffed
With cornbread stuffing and I'm raring
I'm hooked and I won't be sharing

Oh baby, I want to cook wit'cha
I like your kitchen fixtures
At first you tried to tongue me
But those chops you got make (me so hungry)

Ooh, I like some chitlins
And I'll make you some soup with griskin
Well, you see, I'm choosey
'Cause I need that sausage doozy

I've seen her smokin'
I tell you I'm not jokin'
It's vinaigrette, wet,
She's grillin' up some spareribs next

I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' lean cuts are the thing
Take the barbeque man and ask him that
She gotta pack fatback

So, fellas (yeah) Fellas (yeah)
Has your grocery got the butt? (hell yeah)
Tell 'em to smoke it ( smoke it) smoke it ( smoke it)
smoke that porker butt

Baby back ribs!(spicy sauce with some fried sowbelly)
Baby back ribs!(spicy sauce with some fried sowbelly)

I like 'em ground, and big
And when I'm eatin' a pig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal

I want to get it home
And ugh, heat it up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playdoh
'Cause I want pig parts parts made adobo

I want 'em real thick and juicy
So give me more than a nibble
Look at that sauce dribble
Beggin' for a piece of that kibble

So I'm lookin' at food videos
Omeletes with cheese and chorizo
You can feed the dingos
I'll eat my bacon with jo jos

A word to the health nut hipstas, don't want to get with ya
I might cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I want to eat
Til the break of dawn
Smoked hogs got it goin' on
A lot of simps like buttered clams
But if it ain't made of piglet just quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
Make it with ham or maybe spam
And I'm down to hit the sandwich stand

So, ladies (Yeah) Ladies (Yeah)
Lets hit the drive-thru in my Mercedes (Yeah)
Then turn around and dish it out
Eat some tenderloin of sow
Baby back ribs
Baby back ribs

Yeah, baby, when it comes to meat sales
Costco ain't got nothin'
on Safeway's pork selection
$36.20 for thirty pounds
Oh yeah. It's a BBQ dream!

So your girlfriend from Rwanda, makes bratwurst that I'm fond of
She spawned a boar eatin' monster and named her Rhonda
My sister Wanda don't want none
Unless you grill the buns, hon

You can smoke sides of beef or brisket
But please don't skip that shoat
Some brothers want to play that hard role
And tell you pork belly ain't gol'
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
If the label says lowfat
Well I ain't down with that
'Cause your roast is done and it's finger lickin'
And I forgot about chicken.

Now the bean sprout dishes in the magazines
They ain't it, Miss Thing
Give me a biscuit, I can't resist it
Some salt pork fryin' in the skillet
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his menu's not on my list
He had hot links but he chose to boil 'em
I told him that would spoil 'em
So ladies, if the cook ain't home,
And you want some smoked neck bone,
Dial 1-900-BAR-B-QUE
And lick that tasty sauce

Baby back ribs
Baby back ribs

© Khaos WolfKat 2016

Saturday, 28 July 2018


I made Sushi! This is my first time actually making sushi on my own. I helped make some many years ago for an event, but all the ingredients were already prepped then, so I just learned to roll it.

This time, I did it all from scratch. I made my own seasoning for the rice and mixed it in, did all the seeding and cutting the fillings, and rolled them myself. 

The first couple, I used the mat for rolling, but I quickly figured out I could actually roll them faster and better freehand, and only using the mats for final shaping/firming.

I ended up making 11 rolls, total, with the help of my granddaughter, who absolutely ADORES sushi as well.

We had 2 of them whilst still very warm yesterday, cause we couldn't wait. They were decent, but didn't hold together very well and the flavours were just so-so. After chilling the rolls overnight, they cut better, held together just fine, and tasted worlds better! It's amazing what a difference it made.  

Considering how easy and CHEAP it is to make at home, not to mention how fresh it is, I'm not sure I'll be spending the money on pre-made  sushi again any time soon.

Thursday, 10 May 2018

PersonHood Protector - A PSA for those FW in need!

Note: "Those FW in need", specifically refers to those for whom their "personhood" is more important that beliefs they claim to follow and their natural state of femaleness, and seem to believe that anything less than belittling men and railing against the natural order means having that "personhood" forcibly removed from them. If the shoe fits, and all that...

I drew this a few years ago in response to a whole spate of FetLife threads and posts from dissatisfied free women, full of man bashing and hateful spew. Several of the FW in question were self-identified "panthers" - ie: women who, by definition, reject Gorean society and philosophies - which simply boggles my mind in its own right (and is the subject of another writing of mine)
 One woman in particular kept going on about how the men were trying to remove her "personhood", just because she has [female body parts], and regularly referred to any men who failed to fall into line with her wishes as "boys". The main theme from this, and certain other women seemed to be that no man has the right to tell a free woman anything, and that because this is Earth, not Gor, women are NOT "free by the will of men", but rather, free naturally, (incorrect, and the subject of yet another of my writings) and such ideas do not apply here. After trying to engage in rational discussion with said women, and getting nowhere except decried as a "slave in robes", the slave and/or whore of [insert various men's names here], and other such mature salvoes, I decided to put my energy into something more amusing and satisfying to me. 

Not surprisingly, it earned me bans in a couple FW groups. Unexpectedly, it got me elevated to mod status in one other. LOL.  
It seems many women want to claim to be Gorean, as long as it means they are "mistresses", but wish to reject the whole bit about deferring to men or not being exactly equal to men and all. I don't get it. If you're into FemDom, or otherwise not cool with a patriarchal system, why would you identify as Gorean, when Gor is, so very clearly, "a man's world"?

Thursday, 8 March 2018

How to get a positive response from me

(posted here so people not on FetLife can also read it)

Before you message me:

  • ❆ At least read this entire post. I'd prefer you read my entire profile, actually, but this post is a minimum requirement.
  • ❆ Don't message me with requests or invitations for sex, kink, or wank fodder, telling me that you're horny, discussions about my or your sexual habits/desires/fantasies/fetishes, or anything else that would be inappropriate to say to a random stranger in person.
  • In other words, approach me as a human being, not a fetish/sex dispenser, prostitute, or object on display for your viewing pleasure.
  • ❆ bear in mind that I'm not going to carry the conversation for you, and you should have at least read enough of my profile to see if we even have anything in common on which to base a conversation, and to make sure you aren't asking me questions which are already answered here.
  • I put a lot of time and effort into making a profile that tells you who I am and what I'm about. At least be willing to put in the small effort of a few minutes reading before sending me a message based only on my gender, location, or pictures.
  • ❆ I HATE "text speak" (how ru, wat u up2, etc). I like proper spelling, grammar, and intelligent conversation.
  • If you are just looking for play sessions, without the whole, getting to know me part, you may contact me via my sessions page. My inbox is for personal contact only, not professional.

Would be slaves/subs who are interested in serving me:

  • Read my entire profile, the blog entry here, my limits list, and this.
  • ❆ Those who do not will be ignored, told off, and/or or mocked. I am not interested in so called slaves who do not follow directions.

  You should message me if...

  • ❆ You are capable of and willing to send an actual message that contains some meaningful content, at least an attempt at passable spelling, grammar, and punctuation, DOES NOT CONTAIN your unsolicited fetish shopping list, fantasies, "erotica", photos, or requests for sex, kink, or photos (this includes leading with sex or kink!), and does not contain text speak (ie:"how ru", "ASL", and such).
    • Honestly, if you can't take the extra few moments to type out an introduction and decent message, using complete words, how in the world am I to believe you'd take the time to get to know me beyond, "hey baby u want 2 get kinky sexy?"
  • ❆ You are open minded, rigorously honest, loving (to all!), free thinking, open to new explorations of mind, body and soul, erotic and sensual, creative, expressive, passionate and in love with life, living and all the possibilities contained therein.
  • ❆ You're a geek.
  • ❆ you're a Metalhead.
  • ❆ You are self confident or are striving to become more so.
  • ❆ You don't care for social mores or taboos. (and you don't use that as an excuse to be a douche!)
  • ❆ You are easily amused or entertained and/or you like girls who are.
  • ❆ You're Gorean or interested in Gorean philosophies.
  • ❆ You want to play cool card/board games with me!
  • (I have lots of them.. Just need the opponents!)
  • ❆ You want to converse about any of the above topics.
  • ❆ You are a WOMAN, seeking a strict and nurturing mistress to serve, please and obey. (Follow above instructions before contacting me!)
  • ❆ You're NOT looking for "cybering", phone sex, sexting, or hookups.
  • ❆ You are NOT interested in "discreet" play (I will not be anyone's secret!)
  • ❆ You're NOT "poly, but your s/o doesn't know it" (that's called cheating, and you're a cheating asshole!).
  • ❆ You are NOT interested in engaging in any dishonest or deceitful activities or trying to get me to do so.
  • ❆ You just feel like messaging me (as long as the previous 4 apply to you as well)