What is Non Sexual/Romance/Kink Oriented D/s?

 

 There seems to be some disconnect between my and some others' definition of "non sexually or romantically oriented", so I am posting this to clarify. 

I realise that many people view and/or enter into D/s dynamics as a kink, fetish, or sex/arousal oriented thing, or as the basis or a part of a romantic relationship, and that is fine, for those who practice in those ways. 

It is very important to note, however, that there are also many people who view D/s as an integral part of their lives/lifestyle, without the necessity, or even desire for any kind of kink, fetish, sexual, or romantic element to it. It is possible, and far more common than you may think, to have a D/s dynamic without any of that. 

 For those of us in this camp, a D/s element will likely be an important part of any romantic relationship, and often part of sexual or BDSM activities, but those things are not part of the D/s. Rather, the D/s is part of them because it is a part of our lives, period.

If your desired dynamic includes or focuses on any of the things like those listed below, then you are seeking a sex and/or romance oriented dynamic:

• Orgasms - Control, restrictions, requirements, causing, denying, "edging", or anything else regarding getting off or being sexually aroused.
  
• Rules, restrictions, or required wearing/not wearing of panties or anything else (bra, high heels, lingerie, short skirts, corsets, fetish wear, etc) for the purpose of feeling/looking sexy or having one's body "open" or "available".
• Sex toys, their use, requirements or restrictions on their use.
• Rules, restrictions, or required disclosure regarding masturbation, sexual partners, or other sexual activities.
• Sexually servicing the dom or others.
• Having access to the sub's body in any sexual kind of way, for any reason.
• Doing/not doing anything specifically because it turns someone on. 
  

If you want control or involvement with any of those elements, then you should be looking for someone who is also seeking a sexual dynamic, as a non sexual dynamic, by definition, does not include them. 

Non sexual dynamic means that if the dom (or sub) needs/wants a blowjob, handjob, intercourse, cyber sex/wank fodder, etc, they get it somewhere else. 

And no, calling a sex act, "punishment", because "Well, you aren't supposed to like punishment" does not make it an accepted part of a non sexual dynamic. That is just gross and rapey.

That doesn't mean some aspect is never allowed to cause arousal for anyone involved. It might. We don't always know what will cause that reaction. It just means that none of what is done or involved in the dynamic is for the purpose of arousal. 

I hope that clears things up.