Tuesday, 19 March 2019

What I like about and seek within a D/s dynamic (from the 's' side)

I have been tasked to write out, in detail, what I like about D/s (from the bottom), what, exactly, I seek within a D/s dynamic, and why. So, here goes nothin'!

What I like (and some of the why)
I like the structure, comfort, and security that D/s can provide. 

Life is full of uncertainties, and that can be even more true for someone who tends to be fiercely independent in most areas of life. When you have only yourself to answer to, sure, there is a lot of freedom in that, however, there is also the risk of becoming stagnant, losing focus or motivation,  or getting caught in a tailspin trying to second guess yourself. 
Having established structure, rules, routines, schedule, and ongoing goals helps keep me healthy, in all respects, and I know that, but often, at least for me, simply knowing something is the right thing to do for myself isn't enough motivation. Even when I know I'm going to feel bad or guilty if I do/don't do something, I will often go for the instant gratification instead, and then feel like crap over it for the next however long. 

I have no problem doing right by other people, but if it's just me who is affected, it's a struggle. 
It is a weakness. I know it is. I have lots of strengths. That is not one. 

When I am answering to someone else for these sorts of things, I have more motivation, because I don't want to let that person down. Disappointing or displeasing someone to whom I am in service is very emotionally upsetting to me, and I will go to great lengths to avoid doing so. Conversely, having specific goals, tasks, rules, and similar means to be pleasing gives me more incentive to reach and maintain those goals - to know that he is proud of me, and/or pleased with me. 

The comfort and security factors come with knowing where the boundaries are, what is expected of me, and that his rules will be enforced. I need to know that wilfully disobeying or falling short will result in consequences beyond just feeling bad, and that he is strong enough (of will) to follow through and follow up. I will not "brat" constantly on purpose, try and force his hand, or "top from the bottom" to try and get a particular outcome, however, I do have a strong tendency to test boundaries (usually so I know exactly where they are and that they are real)
I can can also frequently go too far before realising I am doing so, when I am passionate about something, or caught up in the moment, especially if that moment seems funny to me. That can usually be brought to heel right away with a simple look, tone, or word to remind me of my place. I just need someone willing and able to give me that word, look, tone, command, or what have you.  

I can be a frustrating person. I rely heavily on logic, and am more prone to rail against a decision if it doesn't make sense to me. I will get caught up in technicalities. I will find and probably exploit loopholes. I will be upfront and honest about doing so, giving information and opportunity to close them, rather than using them to be deceitful or get away with things in secret, but I will use them if they are there. It is my nature. That's why I need someone more dominant than I, to keep me in check.


What I seek (and am not seeking)
Right up front, I am not interested in being owned again. I have come to value my rights and freedoms too much to to be a slave.

 I seek a service and protocol oriented (as opposed to sexually oriented) D/s dynamic, with a strong focus on motivating me to develop and maintain good habits, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in addition to service and BDSM aspects. 

Clearly defined rules, expectations, routines, discipline, and communication are essential for me. I do not require (or particularly desire) micromanaging, nor am I looking for a boyfriend, daddy, lover, or someone to rescue me (other than from my own foibles, perhaps), fix my problems, or do my footwork for me. I want - I NEED - someone who will motivate and push me to do my own footwork, who will not accept anything less than my best, and who will never consider failure to be a valid option.

  When I find a man to whom I will submit, I will strive to be reasonably obedient and pleasing to him, to serve well and humbly, and to reflect well upon him and others who took time to train me, however, the dynamic I seek involves negotiations, limits, and allows me to retain many of the rights and status of a free woman, including the right to decide, ultimately, to whom I will or will not defer, the continuing ownership of my own property, including my human property, and being permitted to speak freely in public, within reason, subject, of course, to limitations placed on me by my [Sir/Dom/Boss/D-type], and the proper bounds of a free woman. 

The arrangement could, potentially, include periods of "contract slavery" (meaning, in this context, a set period or periods of time, during which I behave and am treated fully as a slave - likely in private only, but technically retain my status as a free woman)

I am also serious when I say I am not looking for a sexually focused dynamic. 
This is ideal for a man who is specifically looking for a power dynamic because he gets something out of being the boss - being in charge, moulding and shaping a person into something better, being obeyed, setting rules and enforcing them, being served for the sake of service, etc, and gets his sexual needs met elsewhere, rather than one who is looking for a relationship or sex with a D/s component

If it is in any way your goal for sexual service to eventually be involved, if you have trouble understanding how a D/s dynamic could work without a sexual component, or if you will require me to meet any of your sexual needs as part of any arrangement, your focus and mine do not mesh, and I am not what you want, and I do not wish to waste your time or mine with something which will not work.

Someone local would be great, and would allow for the BDSM aspects I crave, though long distance is doable, with proper communication and oversight. 

I live alone and plan to continue to do so. I will not be relocating or cohabiting with anyone. I am poly, and will not permit interference in my other relationships. (these points are absolutely non-negotiable).


Some background information, may, perhaps, offer a better understanding of what I seek, and why.
I have been free since 2010, March 1.
For close to eight years prior to that, I was a Gorean slave; Fully owned, subject to all free (within the confines of my master's wishes, of course), and rightless.  I was given much rigorous training in casual and formalised service of food and drink, domestic and personal services, common slave positions, walking, standing, crawling, and speaking as a slave, striving for absolute obedience, perfect service, deference, and remembering to always mind my station, and speak "from my knees", in thought, even when not in fact.

 I also have been active in the BDSM scene since the very early 1990s, and have a great deal of experience with many forms of play, including a substantial amount of "edge play". I have a fairly high threshold for many forms of pain, so can be taken relatively far in terms of pain or other extreme sensation. (I have more detailed information regarding that, as well as references)
I tend to be driven by the desire to serve, so will endure a great many things I may not *like*, for the sake of pleasing the one to whom I am in service at a given time.

Now, to more of the aforementioned whys...
Since being granted freedom, I have much enjoyed the privileges afforded me; The ability to speak as and when I see fit, to show deference and/or respect based on merit, rather than status, to come and go as I please, wear what I like, and answer to no one but myself, my higher power, or other legitimate authority that life can present to us all. (Please note that if I agree to submit to someone, that places them in the legitimate authority category.)

I plan to retain these freedoms. 

That said. I find that I miss many of the forms and fulfilments of service, being held in perfect obedience, put to my knees or though "slave paces" (positions, formalised serving, etc), subject to discipline, bound by rules, given tasks and/or punishments, whether for my own betterment, or simply because it pleases the one in charge.
I sometimes need to find that place within myself which is available only in subjugation of my will to that of another, completely adhering to the proper mindset, behaviour, and demeanour befitting a slave when serving in that capacity, whether that service is taking a beating, polishing boots (to USMC standards!) or silverware, cooking and/or serving meal or drinks, washing the dishes, engaging in conversation, simply sitting at their feet, or whatever other task or duty may be required of me.

Here is the rub though...
I am through surrendering completely, without limit, as I have before. I am not a slave.
I (selfishly, perhaps, but I must be utterly honest here) wish to have a say in the limits and terms of my service.
I wish to negotiate, rather than to simply hand over all future decisions to another.

Publicly, and, by this I mean in general, day to day life and in interactions with my peers, especially those within the Gorean community, I wish to maintain the status of free woman, so that I will not be subject to the expectations placed upon a slave, except possibly during certain times mutually agreed to or deemed necessary, and even then, only within parameters which do not damage my standing as a free woman.

I realise that I clearly wish to, as it is said, "have my cake and eat it too". I further understand that many may find such selfish in the extreme and perhaps even deplorable, but I submit my thoughts and cravings in full transparency, that interested parties may better know if this fits with what they seek, or whether they would prefer to move on. 

If you've gotten this far, and are still interested in more details, here is a link to the most recent contract. I'd ideally like something very close to that again, though, of course, every dominant will have their own additions/tweaks. Constructive comments and suggestions on the doc are welcome.

Sunday, 17 February 2019

Conversation NON - Starters!

 ~ CONGRATULATIONS, Lucky Winner! ~



Your prize is a post full of useful advice to help you not be a douche! PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, read on before you send even ONE MORE unsolicited message!!


Since none of the dudebros seem to be able to comprehend the meaning of simple, key phrases and words located in profiles (or read fucking profiles at ALL), I've decided to further break them down into even simpler explanations. These rules apply to at least 99% of ALL women, everywhere. If you don't follow all these helpful hints, and wonder why you keep striking out, be advised; The women you try to talk to are not stuck up, bitches, cunts, etc. The problem is YOU!


I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

  •     READ their fucking profile! No, really, READ IT. Before you message. Then follow directions and respect boundaries!
  •      "No", in any form (outside of an already established D/s dynamic or negotiated scene), does not mean, "try harder", "maybe", "only if you explain to me why your peen is teh [not a typo] magic one", or "please shower me with insults, abuse, and threats of rape and/or other violence now". It fucking means "NO", you bucking funt!
  •     The proper way to start a conversation with a stranger is NOT a demand for someone's age, sex/gender, and/or location. EVER! Period! That's none of your fucking business. Besides, if you had read their fucking profile, it probably would have told you, you diseased rhinoceros pizzle.
  •     "Lesbian" does not mean, "hasn't found teh magic peen". Are you willing to try the cocks of random strangers to determine whether you are SURE you don't like cock?? No? Then don't expect anyone else to, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous poo fungus.
  •     Women are not sex or fetish vending machines. If you want pussy or kink on demand, hire a sex worker. If you treat them like you apparently treat random women on the internet, expect to pay an extra, "douchebarrel surcharge".
  •     If you don't have anything more interesting to say than, "hi", "hru", or some other banal nonsense, try reading their profile and coming up with something of substance to say. We aren't here to entertain you on demand. If you want a conversation, make actual conversation. Duh! 
  •     Unless actually asked, talking about your sexual preferences, desires, or telling a woman you are horny, sharing details or photos of your genitals is RUDE and unwanted! Don't fucking do it, you slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit.

Now, if you have managed to get this far, without  defaulting to a butthurt, tantrum tirade, and would like to actually converse with, and/or get to know the woman you messaged, start with the profile!!

Click here for a link to mine.


And if you want to know how to get a positive response from me, specifically, click here.