Thursday 8 March 2018

How to get a positive response from me

(posted here so people not on FetLife can also read it)

I accept friend requests from:

  • People I would like to get to know better and/or keep in contact, AND...
  • Have met in real life.
  • With whom I have chatted or messaged enough to establish at least some kind of mutual connection.

 Before you message me:

  • At least read this entire post. I'd prefer you read my entire profile, actually, but this post is a minimum requirement.
  • Don't message me with requests or invitations for sex, kink, or wank fodder, telling me that you're horny, discussions about my or your sexual habits/desires/fantasies/fetishes, or anything else that would be inappropriate to say to a random stranger in person.
  • In other words, approach me as a human being, not a fetish/sex dispenser, prostitute, or object on display for your viewing pleasure.
  • Along the same lines, I am not your girl, dear, baby, lil one, or any other pet name or diminutive. Unless we have already established a rapport which calls for that level of familiarity, do not address me as such.
  • DO NOT address me as "Miss". It makes my skin crawl and you will immediately earn my annoyance. Honorifics preferred are Mistress, Ma'am, or M'Lady (in that order).
  • I'm not into small talk. Sending me message that just consists of, "Hi/What's up/How are you", or similar will get you an equally bland reply, at best.
  • Bear in mind that I'm not going to carry the conversation for you, and you should have at least read enough of my profile to see if we even have anything in common on which to base a conversation, and to make sure you aren't asking me questions which are already answered here.
  • I put a lot of time and effort into making a profile that tells you who I am and what I'm about. At least be willing to put in the small effort of a few minutes reading before sending me a message based only on my gender, location, or pictures.
  • I do not give out my off site contact information to strangers. If we have not gotten to know one another enough for me to freely offer you my Skype/email/number/etc, you are a stranger. 
  • On a related note, I will NOT download Kik/telegram/blahblahchat/any additional messaging platforms for your convenience, so don't bother asking.
  • I HATE "text speak" (how ru, wat u up2, etc). I like proper spelling, grammar, and intelligent conversation.
  • If you use the phrase, "hit me up", as a way to request that I reply, I will immediately assume we are incompatible.
  • If you are just looking for play sessions, without the whole, getting to know me part, you may contact me via my sessions page. My inbox is for personal contact only, not professional.

Would be slaves/subs who are interested in serving me:

  • Read my entire profile, the blog entry here, my limits list, and this.
  • ❆ Those who do not will be ignored, told off, and/or or mocked. I am not interested in so called slaves who do not follow directions.

  You should message me if...

  • ❆ You are capable of and willing to send an actual message that contains some meaningful content, at least an attempt at passable spelling, grammar, and punctuation, DOES NOT CONTAIN your unsolicited fetish shopping list, fantasies, "erotica", photos, or requests for sex, kink, or photos (this includes leading with sex or kink!), and does not contain text speak (ie:"how ru", "ASL", and such).
    • Honestly, if you can't take the extra few moments to type out an introduction and decent message, using complete words, how in the world am I to believe you'd take the time to get to know me beyond, "hey baby u want 2 get kinky sexy?"
  • ❆ You are open minded, rigorously honest, loving (to all!), free thinking, open to new explorations of mind, body and soul, creative, expressive, passionate and in love with life, living and all the possibilities contained therein.
  • ❆ You're a geek.
  • ❆ you're a Metalhead.
  • ❆ You are self confident or are striving to become more so.
  • ❆ You don't care for social mores or taboos. (and you don't use that as an excuse to be a douche!)
  • ❆ You are easily amused or entertained and/or you like girls who are.
  • ❆ You're Gorean or interested in Gorean philosophies.
  • ❆ You want to play cool card/board games with me! (I have lots of them.. Just need the opponents!)
  • ❆ You want to converse about any of the above topics.
  • ❆ You are a WOMAN, seeking a strict and nurturing mistress to serve, please and obey. (Follow above instructions before contacting me!)
  • ❆ You're NOT looking for "cybering", phone sex, sexting, or hookups.
  • ❆ You are NOT interested in "discreet" play (I will not be anyone's secret!)
  • ❆ You're NOT "poly, but your s/o doesn't know it" (that's called cheating, and you're a cheating asshole!).
  • ❆ You are NOT interested in engaging in any dishonest or deceitful activities or trying to get me to do so.
  • ❆ You just feel like messaging me (as long as the previous 4 apply to you as well)

Full Chat/BDSM profile

 (Updated 2023.02.09) 
(minor edits & added MBTI/Enneagram info)

 Please click here before barging into my inbox/PM, dick first!
It gives precise instructions on how to get a POSITIVE response from me.
  Failure to do so will likely result in no or a negative response.

I put a lot of time and effort into writing a detailed profile, which answers most of the "basic" questions, for the primary purpose of avoiding the same, old, stale Q&A sessions for the umpteenth time. 

"I don't read profiles. I'd rather get to know you by talking to you"
 translates to, 
"I'm to lazy to do the minimum to actually get to know you, and am not really interested in you as a full person, cause it gets in the way of my selfish goals". 

If you just want wank fodder, cyber play, or to otherwise treat me like a sex worker, feel free to skip the profile and visit my sessions page. If you are actually interested in getting to know me, please read on! 

 My name is Khaos.

I am 52. I am not a "Domme" or a "sub", and I am absolutely not your fetish dispenser. I am a free woman, with a naturally dominant personality and submissive tendencies, who knows her place in the order of nature. This means that I am conditionally deferential/submissive to free, dominant men, and may more fully submit to certain men, at my own discretion. I usually use "Sir", as a term of respect and manners, rather than a specific "honorific", and will be deferential and generally respectful to free men until/unless they give me cause to withdraw it, at which time, I will do my best to remain civil, at the very least. That said, my patience is not infinite.

 I am not submissive to women. If you are a FW, domme, mistress, etc, I will treat you with respect as an equal so long as you remain worthy of such. Please do not push the issue - just accept this and move on. 

Please note that this relates who and what I AM, regardless of what BDSM activities or D/s roles I enjoy.

I don't give out my phone number, Skype, or any other personal contact information to strangers. If I haven't gotten to know you well enough to feel comfortable doing so, that means you are a stranger. If I do feel I know you well enough, then I will offer it to you. If you push the issue, that will tell me that you do not respect boundaries.

I'm into music more than anything else, whether it's making it, listening to it, thinking about it or talking about it. Music is the one thing in the world, without which, I think I would just shrivel up and cease to exist. I listen to about anything, but my passion is metal! Melodic death, black metal, power metal, Viking metal, thrash, speed, operatic/symphonic/epic metal...All things metal!
Some favourite bands in no particular order

I tend to be a bit of an introvert.
This isn't to say that I don't like people.. On the contrary, I love people, as long as it's in moderation. I can be very social and a total "people person" for a reasonable period of time, but then I need to go isolate in my cave for a while and get my solitude fix. A lot of people don't like that about me and feel I'm antisocial. Those who are worth my time will accept that it is part of what makes me me.
I am very open minded and respectful of almost any/all beliefs, but do not tolerate hate or bigotry in any form at all in my presence (Note that I do not hold ANYTHING too sacred to joke about.. I am talking about attitudes of actual intolerance).
Pretty much the only parts of any belief systems I have a problem with are the idea that everyone else is wrong and anything that harms others.
As for my own beliefs, they are many and varied.

There are many things I identify as. These include, but are not limited to: Metalhead, Gorean, biker, hippie, warrior, spiritual, teacher/mentor, student, queer, geek, poly, kinky, pansexual, neuro-divergent, recovering alcoholic/addict (this means I do not drink alcohol or do any recreational substances, period), Grandma, prepper, dog mom, and much more. I am a INTJ and an Enneagram 8w7.
Labels are a convenience. They may help to explain me, but do not define me. 

I am fat, muscular, heavily tattooed, pierced, sarcastic, snarky, irreverently reverent, opinionated, have never met a topic I won't (intelligently, logically, and without personal attacks) debate/argue, and otherwise unfit for what some consider, "polite company". That said, I am more than capable of presenting myself well and acting like a lady in truly polite, non bigoted company - as in, don't expect me to hide who or what I am, but I also don't feel the need to be "in your face" about it.

Consent, honesty, mindfulness and integrity are words to live by in my world, and an absolute, non negotiable requirement for being in any sort of relationship or dynamic with me. 

I'm most likely to mesh well with other INTJ or similar types.

Things I enjoy doing, things I'm good at, things I like to think about...

My Myers Briggs Type Indicator (INTJ) Full results

Some more of my favourite things   

My Big Five Aspects Scale Personality Assessment Scores

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without
Link to my FetLife profile


I am NOT looking for hookups, FWB, sex, sexual play, cyber, "erotic encounters", romance, or anything of the sort with men.If you want conversation and potentially non sexual service, cool. If you want any of the previous, look elsewhere.

  • I have NO sexual or romantic interest in submissive males. At all. Period. No, you are not the exception, no matter how good you think you are.
  • The ONLY use I may have for an additional male slave is a beast of burden who will take care of the heavier manual labour which has become too much for my slave boy.

I will not cohabit with or relocate for anyone. Period. This is not negotiable.

 I am actively seeking:

  • An authority and protocol oriented (as opposed to sexually oriented) D/s dynamic, with a strong focus on motivating me to develop and maintain good habits, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in addition to service and BDSM aspects, as applicable. I am looking for something pretty specific, so, if you are interested, please read this first, to be sure you are actually interested.
  •  Great, stimulating conversation on any number of topics - as long as they are things you could bring up with a complete stranger in person without getting dirty looks, a drink in your face, or slapped. (NO, "stimulating" is not code for "erotic" or anything similar)
  • A lesbian or bisexual kajira (female slave) who is local to the Greater Seattle area or able to relocate. Potential kajirae should read this post in full before contacting me.
  • A house girl or boy (local to the Greater Seattle area or able to relocate) to assist with the heavier domestic duties, which have become too much for my boy, as he ages. Would be applicants should read this post in full before contacting me.
I am open to
  • Meeting people with whom I connect spiritually, emotionally, mentally and philosophically and exploring conversation, gaming, friendship, and non sexual fun.
  • New, female partners for (real life - not online!) play, dating, and potentially more.
 I am provisionally open to:
  • Bottoming for real life (not cyber/role play) BDSM play, with or without a D/s and/or service element. (Please note that "BDSM play" ≠ "kinky sex". If you are looking to get your dick wet, please move along. I'm not the droid you're looking for!)

Just for the sake of "truth in advertising", I tend to be a bit of a social flake. What this means.

I absolutely take responsibility and ownership of and for for my own actions, quirks, traits, shortcomings and insecurities and just as absolutely refuse to take responsibility or ownership for/of yours or those of any other adult. I am compassionate, but believe in tough love and doing one's own footwork, so if you invite me to your pity party, expect me to bring party favours laden with brutal truth.
You have been warned! ;)

Put this stupid cat on your profile to show that you will post any fucking
..../\„,„/\ thing on your profile that people tell you to.
...( =';'= ) If you are Sydney University, you don't have permission
..../♥♥\ to post this cat anywhere at all because it is on my profile.
..(.|.|..|.|.) This is TOTALLY legally binding and stuff, so you
totally have to do what I say! Seriously! I mean it! Hey! Where are
you goi........ Dammit! Not again!

I HATE the Fecking Telephone!!

I HATE talking on the telephone, unless, for some reason, it is the most efficient (for me) way to accomplish a task. 

I am told that many of the reasons have to do with my being on the autism spectrum, though some of them (I believe) just make sense anyway. 
  • I can't think about my responses without awkward silences, usually causing the other person to get mad at me and think I'm ignoring them.
  • I don't know when it's my turn to talk (versus the other person pausing for a second), which makes people mad at me for either interrupting or not answering them at the right time. 
  • I don't get the conventions regarding when it's time to hang up. I assume once someone has said, "bye", I can hang up, but no... Apparently, I'm actually supposed to wait until I am sure the person doesn't have more to say, even though they signalled the conversation was over by voicing a farewell. Then if I hang up before that, I am rude (again, making people mad at me). So then I am often sitting there in awkward silence (are you seeing a theme here?) waiting for the other person to either say something else or hang up.
  • I can't focus on a phone conversation NEARLY as well as I can with a written one. 
  • Phone conversations have no archive to refer back to to recall exactly what was said. It is left up to our notoriously faulty memories.