Thursday, 18 June 2015

What I mean when I say I am a "social flake"

Basically, I'm a hermit at heart.

I have also somewhat recently found out that I am on the autism spectrum, which apparently explains a whole lot of these things.

I can totally enjoy being around people for certain lengths of time, but I require a great deal of solitude in order to stay balanced.

Even if we really connect, exchange some great messages, or even meet up in person and have an awesome time, conversing (or whatever) for hours and hit it off GREAT, that does not mean you are exempt from my tendency to fall off the edge of the world on a somewhat regular basis.

No matter how much I like/love you, how awesome or sexy I think you are, how much I enjoy spending time with you when I get/make the time, it will not magically make me more likely to remember to call, text, instant message, email, or otherwise contact you if I don't have a specific reason for doing so.

"Just to say hi", or chat, or because I'm bored are not reasons that occur to me to get in contact with someone.

If YOU contact ME, I'll respond when I've got a chance and if I'm not busy doing something else, but I usually don't spend much time talking or chatting just for the sake of doing so.

I'm not available 24/7 for non emergencies. I only answer the phone when I feel like it or it's important (those close to me know how to let me know it's important).

Personal emails and messages tend to take low priority, and I get to them after I've dealt with things that I have to deal with first. That means that sometimes they get buried and forgotten until the person reminds me. 

I don't live on Fetlife, FaceBook, or any other social media sites. I'm usually on them for long enough to look at specific things and then I leave the site. If I'm showing as "online" or "available for chat" on any site, I'm probably busy doing something or have accidentally left the tab open.

Even though I am on the computer much of the day, many days, and probably have a chat or IM client open, I am never on the computer or on IM because I am bored. Never. Ever.
 When I'm on the computer, it's because I'm doing something on the computer for a purpose.
That means that I may respond to IMs, but that doesn't mean you automatically have my undivided attention. If you want that, you can ask for it.

Otherwise, I'm likely to be slow in replying or vanish without warning or telling you that I'm going AFK unless we are having some kind of meaningful conversation beyond chit chat. I'm not at the keyboard waiting for someone to say hi to me or notice me. 

 If I'm bored, I'll go read a book, or play with my dogs, or watch a film, or any number of other fun things that don't involve meaningless small talk.

Getting a bunch of "Are you there?", "It says you're online so I know you're here", "Why are you ignoring me", "answer your phone. I know you're awake because...", types of messages or using any kind of "buzz" feature to try and demand my attention will only piss me off and make me far more likely to flat out, deliberately ignore you!

I HATE talking on the telephone for the most part. 

There is no one I call or specifically try to make contact with every, single day other than my Higher Power, and I don't see this changing any time in the foreseeable future.

You will not be the exception to any of this.


If you set stock in your self worth based on other people's actions, especially if, "she hasn't called/messaged/etc me in a long time" translates to, "she hates me/doesn't care/never wants to see me again/etc", then you may want to steer clear of me, because I won't coddle your insecurities or conform my life to fit them.

Sunday, 7 June 2015


What the hell is up with EVERYTHING needing to carry a "trigger warning" these days?

I mean, I get having them there for potentially unexpected or particularly graphic accounts of violence or major trauma, but lately, I've been seeing things tagged with "TW" for pretty much anything which could be the least bit potentially offensive. 

Have we become so soft, so weak, in our climate controlled, PC, Darwin thwarting, warning label & nanny law intensive, padded cells of modern society, that we are now unable to tolerate even reading about anything that is unpleasant or challenges our beliefs, values, or traditions, for fear of having it trigger crippling, traumatic, responses?

Just in the last week, I've seen posts all over social networks with TWs for ableism, fat shaming, slut shaming, mis-gendering, racism, drug war, capitalism, governmental overreach, anti-feminism, contempt for others' beliefs, homophobia, and a host of other things that, while not
nice, I fail to see why they require a warning label.

What's next? Do I need a TW before I view the latest home furnishings catalogue, lest my eyes be violated by a print or colour I dislike? 
What about the menus at restaurants!? Shouldn't I be warned that there may be items offered which I find disgusting?

I have seen multiple instances of un-censored, frank discussion of troubling topics being labelled as, "violent", "unsafe", and "enabling rape culture". Seriously!? TALKING or writing about unpleasantness is violent and unsafe now?

In that case, the required/recommended reading lists for middle school and high school age children is certain to bring about world crisis, 'cause not a single one of those book lists contain trigger warnings! Yet.

This bullshit is just another nail in the coffin of freedom, personal sovereignty/accountability, and survival of the human species as anything more than slaves/drones. 

We already live in a world where our morning coffee comes with warnings that it may be hot, the chainsaw manual warns us not to hold the business end whilst using, and the strollers at the mall advise not to place the baby in the little shopping bag on the back, among myriad other warnings to keep stupid people from suing when their idiocy injures them. And then, of course, there are the laws popping up, prohibiting the sale of extra large soft drinks, use of trans fats, smoking, even in the cigar bar (and, in some places, your own vehicle!), and various other things, "for our own good".

Kids' sports programmes and playgrounds are being stripped of anything that might, possibly, result in so much as a bruise, scrape, or sprain, let ALONE the possibility of a broken bone or other, more serious injury, while more and more children are obese, malnourished, and completely physically unfit from playing virtual sports at a game console instead of risking going outdoors. Schools pass students to the next grade when they are not ready, and hand out high school diplomas to the illiterate and thoroughly uneducated, because failing them might damage their delicate little psyches.


Life is full of disappointing, unpleasant, painful, dangerous, and downright fucked up shit! 
Burying your head in the sand or putting your virtual fingers in your virtual ears will not make it go away. Cushioning all the badness with warnings, nanny laws, and censoring only serves to create a society of weak willed, overly fragile, easily victimised herd of human cattle, ripe for the slaughter. 

Anything can be "triggering" for someone, somewhere. That is the nature of surviving traumatic events. What ever happened to, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"? 
There are plenty of things which, to most people, are perfectly normal, mundane places, things, scenery, phrases, etc, that remind me of past trauma. A significant number of them can actually trigger my PTSD, but this is my issue to manage. It is not the job of everyone in the world to pussyfoot around me in case I might be upset by something, and it is not my job to censor my speech or writing to avoid the possibility of offending someone, somewhere. 

No, this is not a free pass to say whatever insensitive, crass, derogatory, or discriminatory thing that we want, without repercussion. Being anti-PC should not be used as an excuse for being a douchebarrel or lacking tact and diplomacy, and there are some things that are well understood to be not cool to say - ever! But the DISCUSSION of those things should be fair game.

So, yeah. Here's a fucking trigger warning.
Life's a bitch, then you die!!