Sunday, 7 June 2015


What the hell is up with EVERYTHING needing to carry a "trigger warning" these days?

I mean, I get having them there for potentially unexpected or particularly graphic accounts of violence or major trauma, but lately, I've been seeing things tagged with "TW" for pretty much anything which could be the least bit potentially offensive. 

Have we become so soft, so weak, in our climate controlled, PC, Darwin thwarting, warning label & nanny law intensive, padded cells of modern society, that we are now unable to tolerate even reading about anything that is unpleasant or challenges our beliefs, values, or traditions, for fear of having it trigger crippling, traumatic, responses?

Just in the last week, I've seen posts all over social networks with TWs for ableism, fat shaming, slut shaming, mis-gendering, racism, drug war, capitalism, governmental overreach, anti-feminism, contempt for others' beliefs, homophobia, and a host of other things that, while not
nice, I fail to see why they require a warning label.

What's next? Do I need a TW before I view the latest home furnishings catalogue, lest my eyes be violated by a print or colour I dislike? 
What about the menus at restaurants!? Shouldn't I be warned that there may be items offered which I find disgusting?

I have seen multiple instances of un-censored, frank discussion of troubling topics being labelled as, "violent", "unsafe", and "enabling rape culture". Seriously!? TALKING or writing about unpleasantness is violent and unsafe now?

In that case, the required/recommended reading lists for middle school and high school age children is certain to bring about world crisis, 'cause not a single one of those book lists contain trigger warnings! Yet.

This bullshit is just another nail in the coffin of freedom, personal sovereignty/accountability, and survival of the human species as anything more than slaves/drones. 

We already live in a world where our morning coffee comes with warnings that it may be hot, the chainsaw manual warns us not to hold the business end whilst using, and the strollers at the mall advise not to place the baby in the little shopping bag on the back, among myriad other warnings to keep stupid people from suing when their idiocy injures them. And then, of course, there are the laws popping up, prohibiting the sale of extra large soft drinks, use of trans fats, smoking, even in the cigar bar (and, in some places, your own vehicle!), and various other things, "for our own good".

Kids' sports programmes and playgrounds are being stripped of anything that might, possibly, result in so much as a bruise, scrape, or sprain, let ALONE the possibility of a broken bone or other, more serious injury, while more and more children are obese, malnourished, and completely physically unfit from playing virtual sports at a game console instead of risking going outdoors. Schools pass students to the next grade when they are not ready, and hand out high school diplomas to the illiterate and thoroughly uneducated, because failing them might damage their delicate little psyches.


Life is full of disappointing, unpleasant, painful, dangerous, and downright fucked up shit! 
Burying your head in the sand or putting your virtual fingers in your virtual ears will not make it go away. Cushioning all the badness with warnings, nanny laws, and censoring only serves to create a society of weak willed, overly fragile, easily victimised herd of human cattle, ripe for the slaughter. 

Anything can be "triggering" for someone, somewhere. That is the nature of surviving traumatic events. What ever happened to, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"? 
There are plenty of things which, to most people, are perfectly normal, mundane places, things, scenery, phrases, etc, that remind me of past trauma. A significant number of them can actually trigger my PTSD, but this is my issue to manage. It is not the job of everyone in the world to pussyfoot around me in case I might be upset by something, and it is not my job to censor my speech or writing to avoid the possibility of offending someone, somewhere. 

No, this is not a free pass to say whatever insensitive, crass, derogatory, or discriminatory thing that we want, without repercussion. Being anti-PC should not be used as an excuse for being a douchebarrel or lacking tact and diplomacy, and there are some things that are well understood to be not cool to say - ever! But the DISCUSSION of those things should be fair game.

So, yeah. Here's a fucking trigger warning.
Life's a bitch, then you die!!

Sunday, 11 January 2015

What do I mean by, "Sensual"?

Sensual, in my vernacular anyway, should not be confused with sexual.
When I say I want sensual touch, sensual massage, or sensual play, I am not asking you to start groping my nipples or making a beeline for my pussy.
When I agree to include sensual touch when I top or massage you, that doesn't mean I'm going to give you a handjob or finger you.
sen·su·al [sen-shoo-uhl] adjective
pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly.
arousing or exciting the senses or appetites.
of or pertaining to the senses or physical sensation; sensory.
When I say sensual, I mean running hands through hair, caresses, running differently textured materials across flesh (silk, fur, leather, textured gloves, a brush, feathers, etc), playing with different temperatures, maybe touching some sensuous food to one's lips, like chocolate or strawberries. I mean things that awaken, arouse, excite, titillate, and gratify the senses. All of them!
I mean touching the back, arms, legs, belly, neck, and so on.

Will it feel good?
I sure hope so!

Will it be sexy?

Will you/I get off?
Maybe, but that isn't the point or goal.

Sure, sensual can often lead to or be a part of sexual, but it is not a given, and should never be assumed without prior negotiation!

And even if sex and/or sexual touch is in the cards, the skin is the body's largest organ, and the entire surface of it contains erogenous zones! Too often, the majority of that skin is neglected, as people go straight for the "goal". This means that we miss out on worlds of sensation and pleasure. For me, sexual and sensual encounters both are a journey, meant to be fully enjoyed, rather than some goal based activity where orgasm and/or ejaculation are the main event and be all, end all.

Alan Watts said:
"When we make music we don't do it in order to reach a certain point, such as the end of the composition. If that were the purpose of music then obviously the fastest players would be the best. Also, when we are dancing we are not aiming to arrive at a particular place on the floor as in a journey. When we dance, the journey itself is the point, as when we play music the playing itself is the point."
I look at sensuality and sex the same way.