Thursday, 18 June 2015

What I mean when I say I am a "social flake"

Basically, I'm a hermit at heart.

I have also somewhat recently found out that I am on the autism spectrum, which apparently explains a whole lot of these things.

I can totally enjoy being around people for certain lengths of time, but I require a great deal of solitude in order to stay balanced.

Even if we really connect, exchange some great messages, or even meet up in person and have an awesome time, conversing (or whatever) for hours and hit it off GREAT, that does not mean you are exempt from my tendency to fall off the edge of the world on a somewhat regular basis.

No matter how much I like/love you, how awesome or sexy I think you are, how much I enjoy spending time with you when I get/make the time, it will not magically make me more likely to remember to call, text, instant message, email, or otherwise contact you if I don't have a specific reason for doing so.

"Just to say hi", or chat, or because I'm bored are not reasons that occur to me to get in contact with someone.

If YOU contact ME, I'll respond when I've got a chance and if I'm not busy doing something else, but I usually don't spend much time talking or chatting just for the sake of doing so.

I'm not available 24/7 for non emergencies. I only answer the phone when I feel like it or it's important (those close to me know how to let me know it's important).

Personal emails and messages tend to take low priority, and I get to them after I've dealt with things that I have to deal with first. That means that sometimes they get buried and forgotten until the person reminds me. 

I don't live on Fetlife, FaceBook, or any other social media sites. I'm usually on them for long enough to look at specific things and then I leave the site. If I'm showing as "online" or "available for chat" on any site, I'm probably busy doing something or have accidentally left the tab open.

Even though I am on the computer much of the day, many days, and probably have a chat or IM client open, I am never on the computer or on IM because I am bored. Never. Ever.
 When I'm on the computer, it's because I'm doing something on the computer for a purpose.
That means that I may respond to IMs, but that doesn't mean you automatically have my undivided attention. If you want that, you can ask for it.

Otherwise, I'm likely to be slow in replying or vanish without warning or telling you that I'm going AFK unless we are having some kind of meaningful conversation beyond chit chat. I'm not at the keyboard waiting for someone to say hi to me or notice me. 

 If I'm bored, I'll go read a book, or play with my dogs, or watch a film, or any number of other fun things that don't involve meaningless small talk.

Getting a bunch of "Are you there?", "It says you're online so I know you're here", "Why are you ignoring me", "answer your phone. I know you're awake because...", types of messages or using any kind of "buzz" feature to try and demand my attention will only piss me off and make me far more likely to flat out, deliberately ignore you!

I HATE talking on the telephone for the most part. 

There is no one I call or specifically try to make contact with every, single day other than my Higher Power, and I don't see this changing any time in the foreseeable future.

You will not be the exception to any of this.


If you set stock in your self worth based on other people's actions, especially if, "she hasn't called/messaged/etc me in a long time" translates to, "she hates me/doesn't care/never wants to see me again/etc", then you may want to steer clear of me, because I won't coddle your insecurities or conform my life to fit them.

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