Saturday 8 May 2010

From the perspective of a former slave....

 I do realize that there are those who will never see me as a free woman because I was once a slave. I have already encountered a so-called "master", who presumed to order me to tell the girls who were addressing me properly that I was "no mistress" and, when I politely told him that I would not, as I was a free woman, he chastised those poor girls for "answering to a slave", and proclaimed my actions and words as "a girl's bullshit".

That is fine. I know who and what I am, and will not try to hide my past. I will celebrate, fully, the woman I am with no apologies and with pride. My time in the collar has helped me to learn what it is to be a woman and, indeed, has prepared me for being a BETTER free woman than I was before the collar.

I now know myself as a woman, and am happy to be so. No, I am not weak, by any stretch of the imagination, and there are few people, male or female, who can physically overpower me, but I no longer feel the need to constantly PROVE that. I enjoy letting men be men and not challenging them constantly, like I once did. I enjoy being treated as a lady, being protected, cared for, and nurtured, having bags, boxes, doors and chairs held or carried for me. Of course, I can do all those things for myself, and do not NEED a man to do them for me, however, I no longer see it as an insult or a condescending act, but rather, a tribute to my womanhood. And my gracious acceptance of such things is a tribute to their manhood. We are not the same, and that is beautiful!

Sure, sometimes I have more of my "male energy" going on, and in those times, I am more masculine than feminine, but I have learned that I do not have to hide any part of myself. And that does not negate the fact that I am a woman. I never would have come this far, if not for my years as a slave.

These are all things I may never have learned, had I not spent time as a slave. And, in fact, the books are full of examples of haughty, horrid free women who, after a period of enslavement and subsequent freedom, were the epitome of what a noble, Gorean, free woman ought to be!

So, yes. I was a slave and was happy and proud to have been one.

Now, I am free, and am happy and proud to be a free woman.

Those who accept that, welcome to this part of my journey. Those who cannot.. I have no words for, as they are not worth my time.

I hope that my path and my experiences can help others who may be on a similar path.. Perhaps my words can light the way, or even warn someone off that particular path. It doesn't matter to me, so long as my story is beneficial to someone!

Thursday 6 May 2010

Who are the true slaves.. FW or slaves?

This question was posed recently on one of the forums I am on, and I thought I would share my response here.
The question, in paraphrase, cited the fact that Gorean FW are constrained by "chains" of their station, forcing them to hide their true selves, as opposed to slaves, who, not only are not so constrained, but, in fact, MUST be completely open.

I think much depends on whether one is referring to the FW of the books, or those in real life. If the former, then, certainly, many of them wear, perhaps, the heaviest of chains.. Those of the denial of their true nature.
They are forbidden to show any nuance of "slave-like behaviour", lest they be fully enslaved. That may work in the fiction, but in reality, it is absurd! The FW of the books are, in their way, no more "free" than the average Earth woman!

You see, I agree with the idea that, in each woman, there is some slave and some free woman. Of course, how much of each is going to vary widely from woman to woman, but I do think that the vast majority of (straight) women will joyfully kneel before the right man, even if only behind closed doors.

That does not mean, however, (contrary to what the books seem to suggest, within the stories) that ALL women are cut out for slavery. In fact, I maintain that most are absolutely NOT! Despite the romantic ideal, where, time and time again, all it takes is a sufficient amount of violence to render a former FW into a joyfully licking, begging slave, most people prefer freedom. Goreans especially!

That said, here in reality, it is my belief that Gorean free women are more truly free than those in the books.
We know ourselves to be women.
We know that, in general, we are naturally more submissive than men.
We know that our femininity is something to be celebrated, relished, and cherished.. not hidden away as though it were some shameful secret.
We know that there is always the possibility that someday, some man will come along who will bring us to our knees at his feet, merely by being what he is.. A man. A TRUE man, and one who will master us.. heart, body, mind and soul, without even trying.
And we accept these facts with grace and decorum.
Unlike our fictional counterparts though, we are not forced to hide those delicious stirrings that we may feel.. for there is no risk of being summarily stripped and collared for the "crime" of being fully female.
We must only submit to those men who cause our own natures to demand it of us.

Thursday 29 April 2010

Playtime, Fun & Service - More of what to expect in my collar.

 This a list of many of the things I enjoy and will commonly expect from you/will do to you.

As you have, no doubt, figured out, if you have read my, "Seeking slaves", post and the "Slave Rules" post, I am, in many ways, very strict, and expect full obedience and service from my slaves.
That does not mean we won't have fun!
As with the rules list, this is in no particular order, for the most part. I am adding things as I think of them.
Let's just get this out of the way right now...
I am a sadist with a very twisted sense of humour! (I have references) That said, I will ALWAYS take great care to avoid doing any actual harm, be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, to my slaves or subs.
I will take great delight in confusing, confounding, teasing, titillating, frightening, infuriating, frustrating, and otherwise fucking with you for my amusement.
I love to make a grown man or woman cry.
It will please and amuse me to make you hate me even while you betray yourself by begging for more, thanking me when it is over, and being eager for the next time.
That said, I WILL NOT leave any doubt as to whether I am genuinely displeased with you. Ever. Period! If you are being truly punished, I will tell you. You will also always know why you are being punished. I may not tell you immediately, and will often make you work to figure it out, because I feel that is more likely to make a lesson stick, but I will make damn sure that it is clear by the end of the day, at the latest. As a former slave, I have been in the position of knowing I was displeasing, and knowing I was being punished, but not understanding what I did/was doing wrong. It is a horrible feeling and serves no purpose, and I will not subject any slave of mine to that!
Now that we have that out of the way, on to more fun (and some mundane) stuff!
Being my slave will not all be fun and games, nor will it always be high protocol. Sometimes I may just want to converse with you. Though we will not converse as equals, I don't want to be stiff and formal all the time either. I like a slave who has his or her own opinions, can hold up their end of a debate, and show me their fiery spirit, all whilst maintaining their proper place as a slave. Show me you can do that, and I will be pleased!
On any given day that you are with me, you may be expected to clean house, move furniture, work on fix-it projects, cook and/or serve me meals, perform for my amusement, massage me, or any number of other things.
When dining, I might seat you beside or across from me and expect you to behave as a conventional dining companion, or I may just keep you at my feet and make you beg or do tricks for scraps, which I will feed you by hand, or toss to you. Maybe you will even eat from a pan on the floor, forbidden to use your hands. As with all things, it will be according to my whim.
I am a rather avid cigar smoker. When I am enjoying a cigar, you will attend me as I desire. That may mean bringing what I require, and then making yourself scarce, unless summoned, or it may mean serving as my ashtray, footstool, and toy, massaging or otherwise servicing my feet, sexually pleasuring me; Or anything in between. You will, at times, be expected to accompany me to cigar meetups, where you will conduct yourself with proper decorum in a manner which will make me proud, and incite envy among my peers, but will not non-consensually involve others in our D/s dynamic.
In fact, that will be true of many situations when you are accompanying me out and about, in non kink situations.
I enjoy things like playing fetch with a slave, or putting slaves in competitive games with one another for the amusement of those watching.
A few things that come to mind:

  • Wrestling.. Oil and/or nudity possible.
  • Races, with or without paddles, whips, etc as "encouragement"... sack races, 3 legged races, kinky relay races.. All those "kid games", but all grown up!
  • Contests of will.. such as seeing which slave can delay orgasm the longest, while other slaves or free do their best to make you lose control.
  • Slave rodeo games.
I'm sure I can think of LOTS more!
I have 20+ years of experience in various BDSM activities, and enjoy a WIDE range of things, both from the top and bottom perspective. That means that I am just as likely to be on a rack being worked over by someone at an event as I am to be working YOU over. In fact, There may well even be times that I put a nice, thuddy flogger, or other delicious implements in your hands and direct you to have a go at me until I tire of it. (or until you are genuinely unable to continue without risk to my property). Make no mistake, however... This in NO way alters our dynamic. I am in charge. Again.. my slaves exist to please me, regardless of what it is that may be pleasing to me at any given moment in time.
I do take pleasure in doing things that I know will make a slave happy, so I will definitely make a point of incorporating play or other things that I know you will enjoy. Sometimes I like to surprise a slave with something completely unexpected.
Well.. Okay.. I USUALLY like to do that, but once in a while, the surprise will be specifically calculated to delight the slave.

This posting is a work in progress at the moment, and will be added to or changed as needed.

Questions and comments, especially ones that might help me make this post more comprehensive are more than welcome!

"Slave Rules" - A somewhat meandering list of what to expect in my collar.

I included a good deal of information in my, "seeking slaves", post, but, it occurs to me that there is SOOO much more information to impart than what that post contains.

So, for those who wish more information, here it is!
Now, of course, there is no way to include each and every nuance of what life in my collar will be like, but I CAN supply a pretty comprehensive list of the basics and beyond.
Some things will be negotiable; Some will not. Many are sure to require effort on my part and that of the slave to implement, as habits take time to form, just as much as to break. This list is not in any particular order, and there will be overlap from the other postings.
This post contains rules, mainly. This post contains more information about things to expect.
  • First and foremost: Take proper care of my property!
  • I will be informed, fully and promptly of any and all health/safety issues (illness, injury, concerns, etc.).
  • You will follow ALL of your doctor's and other medical professionals' orders and recommendations as regards your health and safety. We will make certain that your providers are kink aware and friendly, so this can be done properly.
  • You will maintain a healthy diet, which will include at least two well balanced meals per day.
Note that this does not mean that you will be put on "a diet" or have the amount of food you eat restricted (except in the case of food addiction or other necessary health reasons, as meted out by your health care providers), but you will not be allowed to eat a steady diet of junk food, processed foods and fast food. Those things will be allowed only in moderation.
  • Your primary purpose is to please me.
  • You will strive to be pleasing and obedient to all free persons, within my rules and limits.
Even if you are unable to be pleasing and obedient, due to circumstances beyond your control (I do realise that some people are simply impossible to please, and/or refuse to respect the wishes of a slave's owner.), you will remain deferential and respectful, and will always promptly apologise when you have been found displeasing, REGARDLESS of whether it is reasonable. I will help you learn to balance personal safety and maintaining your place.
  • Once the collar goes on, you will have no "rights". None! This is very important to understand! All privileges will be dispensed or removed at my whim.
Yes, you are human and have needs, and I consider it my duty to see to it that those needs are met, however, I do not owe a slave anything, and my slaves will remember that.. at the end of a lash, if necessary.
  • You will be at my beck and call at all times.
I will not interfere with your work or family obligations, which is why you will keep me informed and up to date, with regard to your schedule, at all times. I have priority over non preplanned, non-family, social plans or outings, so if you schedule something without my okay, it will be your own fault if you have to cancel. I will not make you cancel plans with family, but if it is a non-emergency thing and I was not informed, you will be punished. Keep this in mind. All it takes is a quick message to me, letting me know you want to do something. I am very reasonable about these things, as long as you follow my directions.
  • You will be expected to make certain that there is time in your schedule to spend at least a day or two a week with me, possibly overnight.
This does NOT obligate me to spend that amount of time with you. You exist to please and serve me, not the other way 'round. Never forget this.
  • If you have children, they are your Number ONE Priority, at all times, no matter what!
This trumps the previous two rules. If I EVER find that you have neglected your children's needs, for any avoidable reason, there will be hell to pay!
This is completely NON NEGOTIABLE and is something likely to cause me to dismiss you from my service in disgrace, without hesitation.
  • During some times when we are together, you will beg permission for most things. This includes, but is not limited to, eating, drinking, smoking, using furniture, putting on or removing clothing, including outerwear, or anything which requires you to leave my presence, however briefly.
The manner in which you will be expected to beg will depend on the circumstances and present company. For instance, in kink friendly situations, you will kneel and beg as an abject slave. In public, you will more likely ask politely to be excused or use codes or non verbal signals, with which I will provide you.
  • You will provide me with detailed information about your fantasies, fears, and desires, so that I may more precisely tailor playtime with you and understand what makes you tick.
I often enjoy making a slave's fantasies come true. There are times that pleasing you will please me, and you are responsible for helping me to do that, when I so desire.
  • you will be expected to keep a journal, in which you will be permitted to express anything at all, in any fashion you wish, without fear of punishment.
I will have access to said journal, but may or may not read it regularly. If there are entries that you specifically wish me to read, you will need to direct my attention to it and beg me to read it.

This posting is a work in progress at the moment, and will be added to or changed as I see fit.

Questions and comments, especially ones that might help me make this post more comprehensive are more than welcome!

Seeking kajira

Updated: 2022.04.26

For would be slaves who wish to serve me:

I have a primary slave who is, and will remain First Boy (AKA alpha slave).

I am seeking a lesbian or bisexual kajira to add to my household as a personal slave, who is either local or able to relocate.

A girl need not specifically be trained as "kajira". Kajira is simply the "Gorean" word for, "slave girl". If I own her, she will, by definition, be kajira, and I will train her to my specifications.

(I am also looking for a house slave, to assist with the heavier domestic duties, which have become too much for my boy, as he ages. Click here  for more information.)

Applicants wishing to be considered will:
  • Take the time and effort to read this post, and my full profile in their entirety, before contacting me.
  • Write a well worded, polite, and concise introduction, using proper spelling (UK or US spellings are fine, and if English is not your first language, that will be taken into consideration. It is the effort I am concerned with!), grammar, capitalisation and punctuation, telling me why you wish to serve me and what qualifications, skills, and/or traits you possess.
  • Be rigorously and entirely honest; Both with me and in all areas of their lives. (Note: This does NOT mean giving out your personal information before we are ready to move to that level! That is simply foolish, and I have no use for a stupid or foolish slave!)
  • Have a sincere desire to serve, please, and obey.
  • Practice good personal hygiene and grooming.
  • Be drama free.
  • Have and maintain her own living quarters. This will not be a live-in position. (If relocating, I will, of course, do what I can to assist in finding appropriate housing).
  • Be mature and capable of independence.
  • Not be allergic or overly sensitive to cigar smoke. Cigar enthusiast a BIG plus!
  • Like, and be able to be around animals, especially dogs. 
  • Not try to "usurp", or  otherwise displace my first slave in any way. He was here first, and his position will be respected. 
  • Be primarily FEMALE identified and bodied (bits need not be "original" equipment). That means, to be quite frank, have breasts, vulva, and a vagina, and be willing to be used sexually as a female, by a female. A boi or non-binary person is not out of the question, as long as they are cool with being related to, presented, and used primarily as a girl, at least a good portion of the time, so be secure in your gender stuff. I have no desire to fuck anyone up or contribute to dysphoria! TVs/CDs/sissies and non-op MtF need not apply. Pre-op MtF may be negotiable, depending on chemistry/fit and other factors.
My kajira will perform both domestic and personal duties, including being used sexually. Domestic service will include things such as cleaning, organizing, occasional cooking, miscellaneous household tasks, and occasionally entertaining guests. Personal service involves serving me food and drink, cigar service, pampering me with massages, foot service/pedicures, manicures, grooming, and the like, accompanying me to events or on errands, serving as my playtoy, and anything else that I decide will please me. She will never be required to be sexual with men, though will be permitted to on occasion if she desires and earns the privilege.

In turn, I will nurture, train, guide and cherish her as the jewel on my chain I require her to be, as she is consistently maintained and improved.

I expect slaves to obey, not necessarily without question, but without undue hesitation or unnecessary questioning, and to provide me, promptly, with any information that is relevant to the situation.

I also expect respect and deference to be shown to me and to all free persons at all times.

While I do not insist on "high protocol" all the time, preferring a more relaxed approach most of the time, the slavery will be absolute and I will NOT tolerate blatant disrespect, rudeness, drama, attempted manipulation, "topping from the bottom", or disobedience. Those will be punished quickly and, if continued, will result in dismissal.

I would prefer a girl who has had at least some training, however, applicants will not be disregarded solely because they do not. A sincere desire to learn, obey, and be pleasing is far more important to me than prior training. I will train you to suit my preferences, either way.

I do not take ownership lightly, nor do I stand for "Velcro collars".
Once the collar is on, it is on. If it comes off, it stays off. (This does not apply to temporary, physical removal, as may be needed for medical or other purposes.)

I am not interested in solving all your problems for you, relieving you of your responsibilities as an adult, or excessive micromanaging.

I own slaves in order to make my life more pleasant, not to add troubles. That said, I will provide guidance, encouragement, and support in areas of self improvement, with the expectation that you will do the footwork required.

I enjoy many aspects of BDSM and I am a sadist. When we play, I will not take you beyond what you can handle, but I WILL push your limits and you will not necessarily enjoy everything I do to you, but will take what I dish out in order to please me, so you may bask in the glow of approval that comes with a job well done. I enjoy screams and moans of pleasure just as much as I enjoy those of pain, so it will not all be for my pleasure alone. What it will always be is at my whim.

Any potential slave initially met online will be interviewed and we will communicate online, followed by telephone/voice/Skype contact, to see if it seems like we are compatible.
If it seems likely, we will arrange to meet in a neutral and public location, where we will talk further and get to know one another a bit more. If that meeting is productive and positive, we will meet again, as many times as needed for both of us to feel comfortable moving to the next level.

If all that goes well, the slave will undergo a period of consideration, during which, she will receive training and will serve me as though in my collar, until she has proven herself, AND she feels ready to commit to becoming my property.

Questions in response to this post are welcome, AFTER you have read the entire post and my profile, to see if your question has already been answered.

Responses that contain "net speak", lack of punctuation, S/slashy T/typing, or rudeness will likely be ignored, as will questions that are already answered in this post or my profile.

**While the parts of your appearance over which you have no immediate control are largely unimportant, I insist that you make the effort to properly bathe and groom yourself routinely, and wear clean clothing. I understand that many of us cannot afford "nice" clothing, but it doesn't cost anything to make the effort to present oneself by making sure that you, and what you have is clean and neat!

A couple of additional posts, detailing many of my rules and other things to expect in my collar, can be found here (rules), and here (misc).

Here is another thing, just because. A letter to my kajira.

Wednesday 28 April 2010

Intro post?

I mainly created this as a central location for posts that I may have on various different sites, that I would like to be accessible without having to join any of them. I know that I hate having to join YET ANOTHER site in order to read something that someone has directed me to!

Friday 9 April 2010

Review - Alec Bradly Tempus (8/10)

This is the second Alec Bradley I've tried.
Superb construction and beautiful to look at.
Again, used the light & cut method.
HUGE punch for such a small stick!
Same "stealth" factor as with the Prensado, but I was prepared this time.
It didn't want to stay lit, but that could have been due to inattention on my part, as I was caught up in multiple conversations.
Slightly more distinctive flavours in this one than the Prensado... some woody accents and definitely more pepper, but not too much.
Great little smoke and seems like a perfect "go to" stick for when I've little time to devote to a smoke. Probably won't make it to my top 10 list, but that certainly doesn't speak ill of it!
It has to pretty much be 11+/10 to make my top list.
This one gets 8/10

Tuesday 6 April 2010

Review -TTT Trinidad, Natural, Robusto (6/10)

Tried the "light, then cut", method, introduced to me by my new smoking friend, Harlan. He was right about it! Great method. I think I'm a convert!
It made for a very mellow start... Even more than usual for this stick.
These are very mild to me, with just a hint of "bite" some of the time.

Fair amount of smoke.
Probably won't buy more of these, but will smoke if on hand.. Or maybe give them away to someone who prefers a milder smoke.
They aren't bad at all, just fairly unremarkable.

This one was only good about halfway down.


Monday 5 April 2010

Review - Alec Bradly Prensado, Maduro, Box Pressed (8/10)

I was introduced to this gem at the first Tulalip Cigar Meetup I attended, and it is a great smoke!
Beautifully constructed, firm and springy, smooth leaves, smelled great!
Nice light, despite some "lighter issues" that caused an uneven light. It quickly evened itself out without extra help until about 2/3 through, at which point it had some trouble staying lit. I had to relight it twice.
Cap didn't try to fall apart when chomped on, like many seem to, which is nice.
Bold and smooth from the first puff!
Not at all as spicy as I expected, but that was not a detractor.
Interestingly, there seemed to be no distinctive flavours.. or anything that really stood out, which would normally turn me off of a cigar, but it didn't. Truly an expert blend!
This cigar was deceptively strong! It seemed to taste milder as it progressed, but it packed a MAJOR punch! It hit me hard and damn near knocked me on my arse! I was pretty buzzed; That's for sure!
Definitely should have a good meal with plenty of red meat prior to smoking one of these.
Nice, firm, long ash. Medium to dark grey.
I smoked it down just a tad too far and the taste suffered for it. Should have stopped at right about 2", but went a bit past that.
Not my "perfect" cigar, but excellent, nonetheless.

Thursday 1 April 2010

Review - Montecristo #2 Torpedo, Natural (5/10)

This smoke is supposedly the "second most sought after non-Cuban cigar in the world", and "a full bodied cigar" so, naturally, I had high hopes.
It was difficult to get a good light, but, once lit, burned nicely and evenly.
It started out extremely mild... FAR more than the description let on. It did get better by almost midway through, but then quickly became arid and harsh to my tastes.
Thick, abundant smoke.
Firm, light grey ash.
"Good" (as in, maintained its taste without getting nasty - quotes cause I didn't like the taste to begin with) down to just under 2".
These are probably fine for those who like a milder cigar with a bit of a "punch", but not for me.
All in all, a big disappointment, especially after all the hype.

Sunday 28 March 2010

Review - Oliva Serie V, Ligero Especial (10/10)

Perfect construction!
Very rich and full bodied from the very start.
Creamy, smooth, strong and velvety taste and abundant white, lovely smelling smoke.
Firm, light grey ash.
This stick got progressively stronger as I smoked, without ever becoming harsh.
Deeper, more complex coffee, chocolate and sweet undertones became more apparent about midway through and continued to finish.

Will DEFINITELY buy again!


Tuesday 19 January 2010

Review - Cuban Stock Classic - Robusto (5/10)

I've been meaning to try these out for a couple years now, but never could find them in a sampler or a five pack, and didn't want to buy an entire box, so I was pleased when they were one of the featured smokes at the most recent Tulalip Cigar Meetup this past Monday.

As has been my habit of late, when I remember, I used the "light and cut" method.

A pretty mild smoke to start out with. Nice, even, moderately easy light.

No flavours really stood out, but still a nice enough tasting cigar. Got a bit bolder as I smoked it, with more hints of spice toward the end.

Not a very solid ash - only about 1 inch max.

It did stay lit well, and the flavour was good all the way down to about the last 1.5 inches.

I was a bit disappointed in the filler, as I was constantly ending up having to spit out little pieces of tobacco throughout, and for that I took off a point.

All in all, a decent... Even good smoke, but I probably won't ever be buying a whole box, and will reserve these for a "breakfast cigar".