Monday, 31 August 2026

Recipe ~ Basic Hummus

Hummus in serving dish on plate with pita triangles, baby carrots, and celery sticks

As always, if you just want the recipe without the story behind it, click here.

Nothing says healthy, delicious, protein packed, quick and easy summer snack or lunch quite like a tub of savoury hummus and some pita (or pita chips - Yum!) and fresh, crisp, raw veggies!

But along with hotter days seemingly everywhere, these days, we've also seen food prices rising faster than the temperatures, and that especially includes "luxury" foods like hummus. 

 But, what if I told you that this delicious staple of Mediterranean eats is yet another example of some of the cheapest possible ingredients available turned into something good and healthy to feed lots of people, commandeered by the grocery industry to be sold as, "ethnic" (AKA expensive) food for hipsters and people with more dollars than sense? Yup! That's right, my friends. This  trendy, expensive food enjoyed by rich people all over the world started centuries ago in the Mediterranean/Middle East as a simple, cheap dish for poor people. And, unlike the humble haggis, the core ingredients haven't even changed much in all that time! The recipe is still almost the same as it was back when poor families used cheap local crops like chickpeas, garlic, lemon, and sesame seeds to mash ingredients together by hand in stone bowls, for a dip that gave workers cheap fuel for the hard, physical labour that they did every day just to survive. 

The exact origin of the dish is a matter of FIERCE dispute, with several regions claiming responsibility, and is an interesting read, if you are a nerd, like me. And if you really want to nerd out, it gets even more interesting

Fast forward a few thousand years, and as immigrants travelled to new countries in the West, they brought many of their food traditions with them. Before you know it, fancy chefs in big cities were adding it to their menus, also adding (of course) expensive toppings like pine nuts, lamb, and olive oil to make it "better" for diners willing to pay top dollar for such exotic fare. 

Next, doctors and food writers got on the bandwagon, dubbing chickpeas (rightfully, to be fair) a healthy superfood. So, now that those who could afford to pay more to eat healthy were properly primed, specialty groceries could sell small plastic tubs of this super healthy, heavenly hummus at crazy markups. Now, you can find it at pretty much any supermarket or convenience store, still marked up, but not quite as much, and warehouse and big box stores will sell it to you at significant savings, compared to what we've all gotten used to paying. 

Fun fact: The word "hummus" simply means "chickpea" in Arabic. In the Middle East, ordering just "hummus" may just get you a bowl of whole chickpeas; the creamy dip is actually called hummus bi tahini. Either way, it will still be a cheap accompaniment to your bread and veggies, cause it's still just a staple there, and the only extra ingredients you'll find are likely to be whatever happens to be in season or local spices and such, and the olive oil, cause that is much more available now, both in the Mediterranean and Middle East, and globally, to the point that it figures heavily as part of the Mediterranean diet. So do chickpeas and hummus, incidentally. 

Simple ingredients.  

hummus ingredients in standard food processor, mostly top down view, pre processing

I discovered how cheap, fast, and easy it really is to make this delightfully delish dish years ago, but somehow have neglected to post it until now. 

Back when I originally learned to make it, you still had to go to a higher end supermarket or order from Amazon to get tahini, but now it is available even at the local Walmart, or other big box store, right along with all the other ingredients. Even better, enough tahini, the most expensive ingredient, to make around 8 batches of this recipe, can be had for a few cents more than two 10 oz tubs of ready-made hummus at the same Walmart. And the rest of the ingredients for a 32 oz batch, all together, might buy you one more of those 10 oz tubs. Matter of fact, I'll put the full, Walmart (cause we're poor people here, dammit!) price breakdown under the recipe, cause why not?

So, anyway, this consists of minimal, cheap ingredients, and literally takes around 5 minutes to make if you have a food processor, or even a blender, in a pinch. That includes grabbing stuff from cupboards, plugging in the food processor, and opening cans and jars! (It will take longer if you mash it by hand in a stone bowl.) Dump all but oil in, process a few seconds, pulse a few more times whilst adding oil a bit at a time. Done. That's it. 

Finished hummus in food processor

 
So, without further ado, here is the recipe.


Khaos' Basic Hummus

Prep Time: 3 minutes
"Cook" Time: 2 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
Yield: Approximately 4 Cups
Method: Food Processor or Blender

Equipment

  • Food processor - standard blade
  • Rubber spatula to scrape every bit of goodness out
  • Serving/storage container 

Ingredients

  • 3 cups home cooked or 2 cans (15.5-16 oz, depending on brand) chickpeas (AKA garbanzo beans), liquid reserved
  • 1/2 cup bean liquid
  • 1/4 cup tahini
  • 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste (or pre-ground, but meh)
  • 2-4 Tbs lemon juice
  • 1+ tsp cumin
  • 1 tsp paprika

Directions

  1. Put everything except oil in food processor & hit it until smooth. 
  2. Add olive oil a little at a time and process until desired consistency.
  3. Put in a serving/storage container and enjoy with pita, chips, veggies, or whatever else strikes your fancy! 

Notes

  • Add in any kind of extras for different flavours you desire. 
    • Roasted peppers
    • Sun dried tomatoes
    • Roasted garlic
    • Artichokes
    • Roasted eggplant
    • any kinds of peppers/chillies
  • Check out the different varieties in the stores and let your imagination run wild! 
  • To cook beans in Instant Pot: 
    • Put beans + water to 3 inches above bean level in pot. Don't fill more than 2/3 full. 
    • Pressure cook on high (default for most pots) 35 minutes and allow natural release.
    • Extra beans and liquid can be portioned and frozen for future use. 
       
    And now, for the promised price breakdown!
 

What Does a Batch Actually Cost?

Prices checked August 29, 2026. These are regular prices, not sale prices, using the least expensive practical options I found at my local Walmart unless otherwise noted.

This recipe makes approximately 4 Cups, or 32 oz, of hummus.

  • Chickpeas - Pick One

Canned:
2 cans Great Value Garbanzo Chickpeas, 15.5 oz each - $0.92 each
Cost per batch: $1.84

Dried:
Great Value Dried Chickpeas, 1 lb - $1.46
Approximately 1 Cup dried chickpeas, or about 7 oz, yields the roughly 3 Cups cooked needed for one batch.
Cost per batch: about $0.64

I particularly love how neatly that works out - one Cup dry beans becomes almost exactly the amount this recipe needs.

  • Tahini

Krinos Tahini, 16 oz - $6.47

1/4 Cup per batch
Cost per batch: about $0.86

  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Pompeian Robust Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 101 fl oz - $27.12

1/4 Cup, or 2 fl oz, per batch
Cost per batch: about $0.54

  • Lemon Juice

Great Value 100% Lemon Juice, 32 fl oz - $2.24

2-4 Tbs, or 1-2 fl oz, per batch
Cost per batch: about $0.07-$0.14

  • Garlic - Pick One

Fresh garlic:
Fresh garlic bulb - $0.64 each

Assuming an average of around 10 cloves per bulb, 2 cloves costs approximately:
$0.13 per batch

Dried minced garlic - in store:
McCormick Minced Garlic, 9 oz - $9.72

The generally accepted substitution, and McCormick's own recommendation, is 1/4 tsp dried minced garlic per fresh clove. Therefore, 2 cloves = 1/2 tsp dried minced garlic.

Cost per batch: about $0.04

Dried minced garlic - bulk/shipped:
Food to Live Minced Garlic, 2 lb - $14.65

Using the same 1/2 tsp, approximately 1 gram, per batch:

Cost per batch: about $0.02

  • Cumin

Great Value Ground Cumin, 2.5 oz - $1.48

1 tsp per batch
Cost per batch: about $0.04

  • Paprika

Great Value Paprika, 2.5 oz - $1.08

1 tsp per batch
Cost per batch: about $0.04

  • Salt and Pepper

Both are used to taste and the amount is tiny, so I am allowing approximately:

$0.03 per batch

Total Cost for Approximately 4 Cups / 32 oz

Depending on which chickpeas and garlic you use:

Canned chickpeas + fresh garlic: about $3.54-$3.61

Canned chickpeas + in-store dried minced garlic: about $3.45-$3.52

Canned chickpeas + bulk dried minced garlic: about $3.43-$3.50

Dried chickpeas + fresh garlic: about $2.34-$2.41

Dried chickpeas + in-store dried minced garlic: about $2.25-$2.32

Dried chickpeas + bulk dried minced garlic: about $2.23-$2.30

The range is mostly because the recipe calls for 2-4 Tbs lemon juice.

So, depending on how you make it, a full 32 oz batch of hummus costs somewhere around $2.25-$3.60.

And this is exactly why looking at the checkout price of pantry staples can be misleading. Yes, buying a jar of tahini and a giant bottle of extra virgin olive oil costs more up front. You are not using the entire jar and bottle to make one batch of hummus, and, presumably, not JUST using them for hummus either!

The actual amount of that $27.12 bottle of EVOO used here costs about 54 cents.

The actual amount of that $6.47 jar of tahini costs about 86 cents.

And that is the difference between the price of stocking a kitchen and the price of making a meal.

Saturday, 20 June 2026

Crazy (Patsy Cline Parody)

I'm crazy and feeling so lonely
I'm crazy
Crazy and I'm stalking you
I knew you'd love me as soon as I caught you
And then some day I'd switch you for somebody new

Worry, why should I let myself worry?
Wondering what in the world did I do?

Oh, baby, I'm so sure that my ropes can hold you
I'm crazy for spying and crazy for tying
And I'm crazy for drugging you

Crazy, for thinking that my love could save you
And now that you're dying, oh, I'd best get spying
The girl who'll be replacing you

© 2026 Khaos WolfKat 

Tuesday, 9 June 2026

Motel Tweakerville (Another Margaritaville Parody)

Keepin' me awake, watchin' them get shakes
All of those tweakers smokin' with foil
Wearin' a G-string wound up like a spring
She's twacked out, and covered with boils

Stayin' a day again at Motel Tweakerville
Kickin' that broken vending machine
Tom Bodett's crew says there's a light on for you
And your dog, can stay without fees.

Helluva reason I'm stuck here all season
Nothin' to see here but hookers and thugs
None of them beauties, not even cuties
They're all tore up from doin' them drugs.

Stayin' a day again at Motel Tweakerville
Starin' at stains all over the sheet
Some people claim that housekeeping's to blame,
Now I think, hell, I just need some sleep

I need a Zoom meeting, wifi is fleeting
Bad password, had to tether my phone
But it beats out a bender and soon it will render
That daily reprieve that helps me hang on

Stayin' a day again at Motel Tweakerville
Watchin' some dude get high on bath salts
Some people claim that there's a dope man to blame
But I know it's addiction at fault

The carpet's all sticky, something smells icky
The A/C is busted and so's the TV
There’s shadow folks creepin’ while I should be sleepin’
Tweakers all fiendin' and crawlin' with fleas.

It's my last day livin' at Motel Tweakerville
Packin' up my last suitcase to leave
Some people claim that the front desk is to blame
But at least, I got my daily reprieve.

Yes and it's all the same and it's a cryin' shame
But at least, I know I get to leave.


© 2026 Khaos WolfKat 

Saturday, 16 May 2026

In a Collar

This one came about in response to a challenge to write the answer to the question, "Would you want to go to the fictional, Gor (Prof John Lange, writing as John Norman), even if it meant you would be a slave?", as a Dr Suess style poem. Who am I to back down from a challenge!?


Would I, could I, in a collar?

No siree! I'd fight and holler!

Not for a ride on silver ship,

Nor wonders of a Sardar trip.

 

Not even for a tarnback ride,

Or sailing Thassa's august tides.

I wouldn't undertake that quest,

If in ta-teera, I'd be dressed.

 

Even for the simple life,

Away from Earthly sick and strife,

I will not trade my freedom dear

I'd rather make a life right here!

 

©Khaos WolfKat Sometime in the 2010s

Tuesday, 12 May 2026

Ode to a HNG (all of them, really)

 If ya know, ya know.


Hello Mistress I U slave, 

Beat me now make me behave. 

U so pretty tie me up now! 

Y U no like? You a fat cow!

 

Fapping, fapping, what a sleaze, 

Tightie whities round your knees 

I do not want to chat with you, 

Or see your Cheeto dusted goo!


What you mean I not your type? 

I want you now; What's your Skype? 

Can't you see you make my dick hard? 

Don't you make me play the race card!


You a lesbo? what you mean? 

I fix with my magic peen. 

What you need's a good hard fuckin' 

No, that's got me near upchucking!


Then I be ur dominate 

No, that's something that I'd hate 

If you won't kneel and suck my dick, 

It prove you not a really chick.


Call me Master, I insist 

Are you ready for my fist? 

I do not want to be your pet 

That really doesn't make me wet.


In the trunk with you my slut 

Then my dog will lick your butt. 

I don't want sex with your collie 

That isn't what I meant by poly!


Come massage me in my room 

Does the rubbing come with poon? 

I'm only joking, can't you see? 

But will you break the law for me?


Can't you read, you douchcanoe? 

All my rules, they mean you too! 

I'll not give you happy ending 

Your wall of text is mind bending!

 

Open marriage, gee that's swell; 

Mine is too, but don't you tell. 

Let's be discreet, I think you're hot 

I'm poly but my wife is not.


Cheating, I will not assist, 

Or meet with you for a tryst! 

Philandering is not my kink 

I think you need to see a shrink.


Even though I mailed you first 

Your reply my bubble burst. 

So since you didn't want to play 

I didn't want you anyway!


U R Beauty and my dear 

I paste this to all girls here 

Maybe if I send to many 

I will stop not getting any.


Copypasta turns me off 

And you clearly live in sloth. 

Mummy's basement's not a dungeon. 

Your mail leaves me in high dudgeon


© 2012 Khaos WolfKat

The Pittie Mom's Creed (Parody of The Rifleman's Creed - MajGen William H. Rupertus)

 

 This is my pittie. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My pittie is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My pittie, without me, is sad. Without my pittie, I am sad. I must train my pittie true. I must train better than my enemy who is trying to get her to steal cookies. I must train her before she gets cookies. I will...

My pittie and myself know that what counts in this life is not the rounds of barking, the noise of our burst, nor the clatter we make. We know that it is the treats that count. We will get treats...

My pittie is people, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its tail. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my pittie clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before Dog, I swear this creed. My pittie and myself are the defenders of my home. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory is ours and there is no enemy, but treats!

 

© 2026 Khaos WolfKat 

Friday, 24 October 2025

DIY Fire Bowl/Indoor Fire Pit for Ambiance, Rituals, Warmth, and Witchery ~ For Around $20 or Less

DIY tabletop fire bowl on patio table

As always, if you just want the instructions, without the story behind it, click here.

I’ve been working on creating a “back yard oasis” since moving into my current home. Part of that includes a sheltered, outdoor “living room” — a seating space that combines being outside and enjoying nature with the comfort, convenience, and ambience of a traditional living room and some-time cigar lounge. This seating area is on the patio, under a gazebo (which also houses the sheltered dining area), and I was originally planning to have one of those propane “fire pit” tables in the middle of it, but it turns out they are not safe in a soft-top gazebo unless the roof is much higher than mine.

So I looked up “indoor fire pits” — and laughed out loud (after I picked my jaw back up off my desk). Apparently, ambience is worth its weight in gold these days. “Absolutely NOT, mass consumerism machine — I’m not feeding you today!”

The most plain and basic ones started at $30.00, and ones anywhere close to the look I was going for were more like $99.00 and up. Considering they are all, literally, simply an inner receptacle for alcohol or similar fuel, with varying outer containers, filler, and rocks or fire glass or whatever, I knew I could make something better, safer, and far cheaper that still looked like it belonged in my backyard oasis for ambience, s’mores, heat, ritual, or all of the above.

By the time it was assembled, all four elements were already right there in the bowl — earth in the sand, water in the shimmer of the glass (which is, technically, liquid), fire at the centre, and air rising with the incense smoke when I stuck some sticks into the sand. Balance in a bowl.

For around twenty dollars or less, and maybe as many minutes of your time, you can build your own, personal, indoor/outdoor hearth — portable, beautiful, and endlessly adaptable. Whether it’s the centrepiece for a ritual, a quiet evening by yourself, or a way to keep the vibe alive when the weather turns, this little fire bowl proves that warmth and witchery don’t have to come with a luxury price tag.

Mine cost closer to the twenty than the “or less,” because I already had a very specific vision in mind, so I paid about $10 (plus tax) just for the bowl — but if I’d been willing to go for even a slightly different look, I could have got everything for about that amount. It’s also good to remember that often, Walmart has the same things for cheaper than the dollar store, so always check if you have both nearby. Also, there are thrift stores, Buy Nothing, and Freecycle type groups, where you can find all kinds of treasures, not to mention give new homes to things you want out of your space, but not in the landfills!

Finished fire bowl close-up with glowing glass

Make Your Own Fire Bowl/Indoor Fire Pit

Supplies:

Bowl ($9.98)
The main structure of the fire bowl. I used a ceramic planter, but it can be literally any type, shape, or size container, as long as it’s made of some kind of fire-proof material. Dollar store finds can work; Walmart was cheaper for me on the day.

Sand ($4.97 for a 44-lb bag)
Insulates to keep fire and heat contained and outer surfaces cool, weights the bottom so it won’t tip, and acts as the base for stones and the fuel canister.

• Tuna (or similar) tin with smooth-edge lid (free)
Fuel canister. Holds alcohol/gel/oil fuel. Lid extinguishes flame and slows evaporation.

• Side-cut / “safe-cut” can opener (assumed on hand)
Needed to create that smooth reusable lid.

• Slightly larger tin (I used a dolmas tin) (free)
Holds back sand/stones and anchors the inner fuel canister.

Decorative stones/glass ($2.94)
Optional but pretty. I used Gold, Gold Matte Metal, and Ruby Red glass gems. Any fireproof stones, glass, marbles, tiles, pea gravel, crystals, etc. will do.

20–22-gauge wire (under $1 of a $4.97 roll)
For a simple “D” handle on the lid.

HVAC tape (under $1 of a $5.78 roll)
To affix the handle to the lid — heat-resistant and nearly invisible on metal.

Coaster ($2.00 or less)
Optional cover to hide the fitted lid when not in use; also a resting place for the hot lid. Stone/ceramic/metal all fine; tiles or found lids work too.

70% isopropyl alcohol ($2.98/qt)
Fuel. 70% gives visible orange/yellow flames; 90% burns hotter and bluer. Alternatives: hand sanitiser, Sterno/gel fuel, torch oil, buddy burner, paper/twigs (more smoke).

Instructions:

  • Fill base container with sand to ~1″ from top. Pack down lightly.

Sand base close-up

  • Press the larger tin down to make a well; pack surrounding sand firmly and level to the bowl’s edge.

Making the well for the can

  • Place tins nested together in the well. Arrange stones/gravel around them.

Nested cans with stones

  • Make a “D”-shaped wire handle for the lid; affix with HVAC tape (I covered the lid for a uniform look).

Lid with wire handle and HVAC tape Fuel cup lid detail with handle

Finished bowl assembled on table

  • Fill the inner can with alcohol and light. If it doesn’t catch right away, hold the flame longer; cold fuel takes longer to ignite.

Flame test close-up 

Safety & Fuel Notes

A few things to keep your fire bowl happy, healthy, and not accidentally explosive.

Fuel choices:
70% isopropyl alcohol burns the cleanest and gives you those lovely, visible orange-yellow flames that feel like actual fire, rather than the eerie blue lab-burner look of 90%. You can also use hand sanitiser, Sterno, or other gel fuels, torch oil, cooking oil, or even a buddy burner if you fancy making your own. Twigs and paper work too, though they’ll smoke a bit more.

Ventilation:
If you’re using alcohol as your fuel, it’s perfectly fine to use your fire bowl in an enclosed space — as long as it’s not too small or sealed tighter than a submarine. A bit of airflow is all that’s needed. Isopropyl burns cleanly, producing mostly carbon dioxide and water vapour, with minimal carbon monoxide. So yes, gazebos, sunrooms, and lounges are all fair game. Just avoid lighting it in a broom closet… or anything smaller than you are.

General sense & self-preservation:

  • Never pour more fuel into a still-warm can. Let it cool first — it’s patient, you can be too.
  • Keep it on a stable, heat-resistant surface.
  • Extinguish with the fitted lid, not your breath. (The latter works, but tends to singe eyebrows.)
  • And for the love of common sense, keep sleeves, scarves, and wandering pets clear of the flame.

That’s it. Fire is a living thing — respect it a little, and it’ll serve you faithfully for years.