Ode to a HNG (all of them, really)

 If ya know, ya know.

Hello Mistress I U slave, 

Beat me now make me behave. 

U so pretty tie me up now! 

Y U no like? You a fat cow!

 

Fapping, fapping, what a sleaze, 

Tightie whities round your knees 

I do not want to chat with you, 

Or see your Cheeto dusted goo!

What you mean I not your type? 

I want you now; What's your Skype? 

Can't you see you make my dick hard? 

Don't you make me play the race card!

You a lesbo? what you mean? 

I fix with my magic peen. 

What you need's a good hard fuckin' 

No, that's got me near upchucking!

Then I be ur dominate 

No, that's something that I'd hate 

If you won't kneel and suck my dick, 

It prove you not a really chick.

Call me Master, I insist 

Are you ready for my fist? 

I do not want to be your pet 

That really doesn't make me wet.

In the trunk with you my slut 

Then my dog will lick your butt. 

I don't want sex with your collie 

That isn't what I meant by poly!

Come massage me in my room 

Does the rubbing come with poon? 

I'm only joking, can't you see? 

But will you break the law for me?

Can't you read, you douchcanoe? 

All my rules, they mean you too! 

I'll not give you happy ending 

Your wall of text is mind bending!

 

Open marriage, gee that's swell; 

Mine is too, but don't you tell. 

Let's be discreet, I think you're hot 

I'm poly but my wife is not.

Cheating, I will not assist, 

Or meet with you for a tryst! 

Philandering is not my kink 

I think you need to see a shrink.

Even though I mailed you first 

Your reply my bubble burst. 

So since you didn't want to play 

I didn't want you anyway!

U R Beauty and my dear 

I paste this to all girls here 

Maybe if I send to many 

I will stop not getting any.

Copypasta turns me off 

And you clearly live in sloth. 

Mummy's basement's not a dungeon. 

Your mail leaves me in high dudgeon

© 2012 Khaos WolfKat

The Pittie Mom's Creed (Parody of The Rifleman's Creed - MajGen William H. Rupertus)

 

 This is my pittie. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My pittie is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My pittie, without me, is sad. Without my pittie, I am sad. I must train my pittie true. I must train better than my enemy who is trying to get her to steal cookies. I must train her before she gets cookies. I will...

My pittie and myself know that what counts in this life is not the rounds of barking, the noise of our burst, nor the clatter we make. We know that it is the treats that count. We will get treats...

My pittie is people, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its tail. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my pittie clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before Dog, I swear this creed. My pittie and myself are the defenders of my home. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory is ours and there is no enemy, but treats!

 

© 2025 Khaos WolfKat