Musings of a Metalhead...
... Who is also a Gorean, recovering addict, cigar smoker, hippie, artist, crafter, pervert, sadist, sensualist, spiritualist, biker, geek, singer, prepper, cook, defier of labels in general, and a whole lot of other things!
Just Various writings and such that I feel the urge to share.
Warning... If you have narrow ideas about what a (insert label here) ought to be like, this blog will most likely offend your delicate sensibilities, and you are better off going elsewhere.
Saturday, 9 August 2025
Behold ~ The Dolly Llama!
Fake Wood End Table Refurbish
I'd been trying to figure out for a while how I was going to "fix" the damaged area of this end table. It was my parents', and I hadn't even realised for some time that it wasn't real oak, like most of their living room furniture, and the other end tables, but turned out it is made of pressboard, with a fake wood laminate. Now, no hate on this! I have plenty of pressboard stuff, and it usually lasts well and looks great, but this one had gotten some water damage, and if you've ever had pressboard furniture, you know what that means!
I forgot to take a picture before I started at all, but here are a couple pics that show it a bit...
Setting up all the nice stuff, both my things that had weathered well, or that I fixed up, and the stuff of my parents' that I inherited, in my new digs that are actually NICE (not like fancy nice, but not ghetto either), I didn't want that messing up the look of everything else, but the rest of it looked good, and it is a pretty solid piece. So, I started With sealing the damaged bit with epoxy.
Well.. ACTUALLY, I started with trying to paint a base layer over it all, but quickly discovered that the paint soaked right into the compressed sawdust that is pressboard, no matter how much paint I used, and just looked like there was NO paint there, which is why you can see paint on part of the table, but the one spot that looks like I didn't paint in that pic, so I did the epoxy bit, and THEN added a spray paint base.
For some reason, I also didn't take a pic of it fully spray painted, before the next step. Probably because I was in the process, but it was fully that khaki colour before I switched to the acrylic paints.
The next step was adding in large brushes of the main few colour blends, and some contrasting lines, get the feel of wood grain.
You can see my creative mess pile.. err.. I mean workstation there, above.
Another angle and more coverage.
Starting to add in more texture here.
Then I decided that I really liked how it was looking, but, it didn't match the rest of the table, so then came the idea to make it look like the top was made from reclaimed wood, so I painted the lines for that, and started working them in with the texturing.
Yeah, it just looks like lines messily drawn on there at first, but trust the process!
More, more, more blending and texturing.
Just about done, but still doesn't have quite the right look.
Annnnnd, now I routinely forget that it's not just real wood, like the other stuff, and nobody who visits believes it's just painted unless they look really close either. I am happy with the end result!
Thursday, 29 May 2025
Smokeless Fire Pit on a SERIOUS Budget AND Disabled Friendly Build
This is an account of how I built my really snazzy looking (IMO), smokeless, turbo air charged (OK, not turbo, but you can clearly hear the air rushing in! It's super cool! Err.. Hot, actually) fire pit, mostly sitting down, for about $110.00 +tax.
First of all, I read a lot of instructionals, and watched even more videos on the topic of DIYing a smokeless fire pit. There were lots of good builds, good ideas, and aspects of various ones that I liked. Most of them were either out of my budget range, and/or required a level of labour that I can no longer do, nor afford to pay for, and a crazy amount of them assumed that "on a budget" means under $1000, or even "really cheap" builds for $300 -$500.
The ones that were in the under $150 range were mostly ones made from repurposed junk and salvaged materials that were not the aesthetic I wanted, or they required the manual labour to locate, pick up, haul, load, and unload salvaged materials myself, which I'm just not able to do. As mentioned elsewhere in this blog, and known to many of y'all, I am disabled. My walking and standing time are seriously limited, and any serious lifting and working must be done seated. So, I needed something I could afford on a fixed income, DYI-able within my abilities and with very limited help, that still looked attractive, fit with the natural theme I wanted, and was easily usable for me as well.
I've never been one to give up once I decide I want to make something happen, so, next came the adapt, improvise, and overcome phase! I figured out what elements were really important for what I wanted, and what was just extra work for bragging rights.
I was able to do the majority of the work seated. I did have some help with bringing me stuff, but I also could have used my scooter and my Gorilla dumping wagon (These things are AWESOME, BTW) to do the hauling stuff myself. It just would have added a bit more time to the job. That said, that would be true even if I were fully able bodied, so no net difference.
I applied for a Dom Depot (AKA Home Depot. LOL) credit card, and got fifty bucks off the whole haul, plus free delivery, which helped a lot! You can get most of the supplies cheaper at Wally World, but with the $50 off, this was cheaper for me. Here's what I ended up with...
Supplies
• Retaining wall blocks x34 ($81.00)
The main structure of the fire pit, obviously. Cheaper stones than these can be had, to make your overall project even more budget friendly, but I really liked these a lot, and they fit within my under $150 cap.
• Sand ($7.59) (Available at WalMart for cheaper)
Insulates, to keep fire and heat contained, absorbs and helps distribute heat evenly, supports and helps even out the base stones, absorbs moisture, to help with drainage.
• Pea Gravel ($6.25) (Available at WalMart for cheaper)
Helps with drainage, heat distribution, and air flow.
• Lava rock ($14.29) (Available at WalMart for cheaper and a bigger bag)
Retains heat, to keep the fire pit hotter, longer, absorbs and helps distribute heat evenly, provides additional air flow for hotter and cleaner burning, and drainage.
Instructions
• Lay ring of 12 stones
• Mark around outside & move stones out of the way.
• Dig out the marked circle 2-3 inches deep.
• Lay sand & level - Dump the bag out in the circle and spread it out with a rake or something. A metal rake like the one shown is best for this, IMO.
• Replace the 12 stones, using sand underneath to level them as needed.
• Remove 4 stones opposite one another (make sure remaining stones stay put!)
• Lay 2nd two levels, staggering stones for each layer.
• Optional, but recommended - Place two stones inside, to support wood for fire building and/or for supporting cooking grate. Having the stones there to prop a couple logs on over your tinder and kindling REALLY improves fast and easy fire starting! It will up your fire game for real.
• Add pea gravel and level.
• Add lava rock and level.



Sunday, 23 March 2025
This should look familiar to anyone who has ever chatted in the Gorean Room on Alt.com, or pretty much any other Gorean chat room that allows RP as well.
Dramaville
(Sung to the tune of "Margaritaville", by Jimmy Buffet)
Typin' to some chick,
Layin' it on thick;
All of the slaves here are dainty and sweet.
Tellin' her sweet things,
She promises no strings.
Yeah someday you know that we're gonna meet
Wasted a day again chattin in Dramaville,
Searchin' for my lost honor in Alt
Some people claim that there's a troll there to blame
but I know, it's just damned Alt
Don't know the reason,
Stayed here all season
Now I got me a slave, she wears my collar with style.
But she's a real beauty,
A kajira cutie,
At least it says so on her Yahoo profile!
Wasted a day again chattin in Dramaville,
Searchin' for my lost honor in Alt
Some people claim that there's a troll there to blame
Now I think, - hell it could just be Alt.
She's up to her old tricks.
I found out her new Nick,
I made a big fuss and then called her a whore
But there's slavegirl_supine
I think she'll do just fine
I keep coming back here to take it some more.
Wasted a day again chattin in Dramaville,
Searchin' for my lost honor in Alt
Some people claim that there's a troll there to blame
but I know, it's just damned Alt
Yes, and some people claim that there's a troll there to blame
And I know... I should stay outta Alt!
Lyrics © Khaos WolfKat 2008
Sunday, 12 January 2025
What is Non Sexual/Romance/Kink Oriented D/s?
There seems to be some disconnect between my and some others' definition of "non sexually or romantically oriented", so I am posting this to clarify.
I realise that many people view and/or enter into D/s dynamics as a kink, fetish, or sex/arousal oriented thing, or as the basis or a part of a romantic relationship, and that is fine, for those who practice in those ways.
It is very important to note, however, that there are also many people who view D/s as an integral part of their lives/lifestyle, without the necessity, or even desire for any kind of kink, fetish, sexual, or romantic element to it. It is possible, and far more common than you may think, to have a D/s dynamic without any of that.
For those of us in this camp, a D/s element will likely be an important part of any romantic relationship, and often part of sexual or BDSM activities, but those things are not part of the D/s. Rather, the D/s is part of them because it is a part of our lives, period.
If your desired dynamic includes or focuses on any of the things like those listed below, then you are seeking a sex and/or romance oriented dynamic:
- Orgasms - Control, restrictions, requirements, causing, denying, "edging", or anything else regarding getting off or being sexually aroused.
- Rules, restrictions, or required wearing/not wearing of panties or anything else (bra, high heels, lingerie, short skirts, corsets, fetish wear, etc) for the purpose of feeling/looking sexy or having one's body "open" or "available".
- Sex toys, their use, requirements or restrictions on their use.
- Rules, restrictions, or required disclosure regarding masturbation, sexual partners, or other sexual activities.
- Sexually servicing the dom or others.
- Having access to the sub's body in any sexual kind of way, for any reason.
- Doing/not doing anything specifically because it turns someone on.
Non sexual dynamic means that if the dom (or sub) needs/wants a blowjob, handjob, intercourse, cyber sex/wank fodder, etc, they get it somewhere else.
Sunday, 28 July 2024
What I am Not Seeking in a Dynamic
This is parts of the OP that were removed, to this new post, to make the other one less objectionable.
As noted in the main "seeking" post, I am not interested in being owned again. I have come to value my rights and freedoms too much to be a slave, and I have also come to realise I am just not well suited to slavery. That doesn't mean I will not be obedient - it just means I want to retain some rights.
The dynamic I seek does involve negotiations, limits, and allows me to retain many of the rights and status of a free woman, including the right to decide, ultimately, to whom I will or will not defer, the continuing ownership of my own property, including my human property, and being permitted to speak freely in public, within reason, and subject, of course, to specific limitations placed on me by my [Sir/Dom/Boss/D-type], and the proper bounds of a free woman.
Publicly,
and, by this I mean in general, day to day life and in interactions
with my peers, especially those within the Gorean community, I desire to
maintain the status of free woman, so that I will not be subject to the
expectations placed upon a slave, except during certain
times mutually agreed to or deemed necessary, and even then, only within
parameters which do not damage my standing as a free woman.
I
realise that I clearly wish to, as it is said, "have my cake and eat it
too". I further understand that many may find such selfish in the
extreme and perhaps even deplorable, but I submit my thoughts and needs
in full transparency, that interested parties may better know if this
fits with what they seek, or whether they would prefer to move on.
I do not require (or particularly desire) extreme micromanaging, nor am I looking for a boyfriend, daddy, lover, or someone to rescue me (other than from my own foibles, perhaps), fix my problems, or do my footwork for me.
When I say I am not looking for a sexual or romance focused dynamic, I mean that this is ideal for a man who is specifically looking for a power dynamic because he gets something out of being the boss - being in charge, moulding and shaping a person into something better, being obeyed, setting rules and enforcing them, being served for the sake of service, etc, and gets his sexual and romantic needs met elsewhere, rather than one who is looking for a relationship or sex with a D/s component.
Granted, with the right person and circumstances, attraction may develop naturally, and I am not opposed to that, but if it is in any way your goal, we have different priorities and I am not interested.
Likewise, if you have trouble understanding how a D/s dynamic could work without a sexual or romantic component, your focus and mine most likely do not mesh, I am not what you want, and I do not wish to waste your time or mine with something which will not work.
Click here for a more detailed explanation of a Non Sexual/Romance/Kink Oriented D/s dynamic.
Additionally, I live alone, other than the grandchild I am raising, and
plan to continue to do so. I will not be relocating or cohabiting with
any other adults. I am also poly, and will not permit interference in my
other relationships. (These two points are absolutely non-negotiable).
Wednesday, 8 May 2024
"Faking It"
For nearly my entire life, since early childhood, I was punished for many of my "odd behaviours", as though I was making weird noises, fidgeting, losing track of what I was doing, not maintaining eye contact, not showing emotions "properly", speaking in the wrong - or no - "tone", not understanding others' feelings, shaking my head (neural tic), and any number of other quirks, for the sole purpose of upsetting, annoying, inconveniencing, or embarrassing my parents, teachers, and others. Because of this, and, later, when I was old enough to understand that I was "different" from other kids, and, of course, mercilessly bullied for it, I have devoted a huge portion of my energy and efforts toward appearing "normal".
I have been scolded, advised, taught, and otherwise encouraged to do so by all manner of people claiming to be on my side - who were simply "trying to help me navigate" my sensory disabilities.
None of this "navigation" has ever included simply informing others of said diagnoses and expecting reasonable accommodation.
Reasonable accommodation for this stuff mainly consists of just not punishing me in any way for not being or appearing "normal".
No having to move things around, provide a chair, make sure ramps and doorways are up to code and clear, make a normally freight or employees only elevator available, assign an employee to help me with things. Nope. Nothing requiring as much effort as that. JUST not insisting I try harder to "be normal", and/or punishing me when I fail. That's all.
Well, I recently realised that when any other, more visible, and/or physical disabilities are treated like that, it results in public shaming of the offender at the very least, not to mention the legal remedies available: Lawsuits, firing, requiring diversity education, fines, etc. Cause it's AGAINST THE LAW to discriminate against people based on their disabilities, and that includes denying reasonable accommodation and/or trying to force the disabled person to pretend they don't have a disability and just "act like everyone else", or penalising them because their disabilities are "upsetting" people or "making people uncomfortable".
Imagine a college instructor telling someone unable to vocally speak that they needed to stop using their text to speech device because it was freaking out the other students. Or having an amputee removed from a restaurant because the other diners were disgusted. Maybe forcing a wheelchair bound person to only shop during certain hours because their slow progress and taking up extra space in the aisles were inconvenient for other shoppers. None of that is legal in the USA, nor in most other developed countries in this day and age, and, actually, neither is the equivalent behaviour legal regarding other types of disabilities.
So, I decided to stop faking it.
It hasn't been a very popular decision for a lot of people who had gotten accustomed to my constant bending over backward to try and make sure my oddities don't discomfit them in any way.
Too bad.
It's not on me to use up all my mental/emotional, and sometimes physical resources on just trying to appear "normal", often leaving little or no energy for much of anything else, so my disabilities don't inconvenience others or make them uncomfortable.
Again, if anyone tried to force someone with an obvious, physical disability to work harder to not seem disabled, in order to avoid inconveniencing or upsetting anyone, depending on the setting, they would be judged harshly, fired, sued, banned from a place, etc. So why should this be any different?
I'm not saying I don't try to mitigate some of the way others can be legitimately affected. I do. I make sure I have quiet fidget toys so I'm less likely to click my pen incessantly and drive everyone nuts. I try really hard to take notes so I don't forget what I was going to say, rather than jumping in and interrupting someone, and when I accidentally do, I apologise and hush. I try to sit somewhere that my chronic neural tic isn't TOO front and centre and distracting people, as long as it isn't going to keep me from having equal access to whatever. I'm not a selfish, entitled douchebag. I just no longer care to accommodate those who are.
I am taking my fucking life back, thank you very much!
And, let me tell you; Since making that decision and following through on it, I've been SO much more mentally and emotionally healthy and less stressed. When I just be my normal, quirks and all, explaining what I meant, or that I have sensory processing and neurological issues that can cause X, Y, and Z, I don't have to exhaust myself trying to second guess everything I am going to do or say, trying to figure out if it is "normal", or whether it might be taken the wrong way.
It's a lot like how I felt when I finally got and started using my mobility scooter to get around, instead of trying to act like I wasn't disabled, and subsequently missing out a huge amount of life, cause I couldn't actually be mobility typical (Did I just make up a new term?), and trying to walk around like I was meant I could not do most things or go most places, cause I ran out of standing up or walking time. With the scooter, I can go nearly anywhere, since ADA laws guarantee my right to do so, even if my scooter takes up extra space, causes people to have to wait for the lift or ramp before they can get on a bus, train, etc, wait for an employee to assist me with something, or the law prevents them from being allowed to block ramps, park in the closer (handicapped) spaces, or other things that might inconvenience them for a few seconds or minutes of their life.
And, as I began, rather snarkily, I admit, saying things like, "I'm so sorry my disability is such a terrible inconvenience to you. Imagine if you had to deal with it every moment of every day of your life!", to people who bitched, sighed heavily, tapped their feet, or made it otherwise plain that my disabilities were cramping their style, several years ago, I have decided to use similar tactics for those who are unwilling to have a little patience for my less obvious disabilities.
I feel great about this plan!
Do you?
If so, AWESOME! Welcome to this part of my journey, fellow traveller! Maybe you will even choose to make it yours as well.
If not, oh well. I will care exactly as much about accommodating you as you care about accommodating me. That seems fair.