Conversation NON - Starters!

 ~ CONGRATULATIONS, Lucky Winner! ~ 

Your prize is a post full of useful advice to help you not be a douche! PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, read on before you send even ONE MORE unsolicited message!!

Since none of the dudebros seem to be able to comprehend the meaning of simple, key phrases and words located in profiles (or read fucking profiles at ALL), I've decided to further break them down into even simpler explanations. These rules apply to at least 99% of ALL women, everywhere. If you don't follow all these helpful hints, and wonder why you keep striking out, be advised; The women you try to talk to are not stuck up, bitches, cunts, etc. The problem is YOU!

I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

•     READ their fucking profile! No, really, READ IT. Before you message. Then follow directions and respect boundaries!

•      "No", in any form (outside of an already established D/s dynamic or negotiated scene), does not mean, "try harder", "maybe", "only if you explain to me why you possess 'teh magical peen of dick deploying'", or "please shower me with insults, abuse, and threats of rape and/or other violence now". It fucking means "NO", you bucking funt!

•     The proper way to start a conversation with a stranger is NOT a demand for someone's age, sex/gender, and/or location. EVER! Period! That's none of your fucking business. Besides, if you had read their fucking profile, it probably would have told you, you flaccid, diseased rhinoceros pizzle.

•    The proper way to start a conversation with a stranger is ALSO not requests/demands for kink, sex, wank fodder, or anything else you would not want some random dude walking up and asking of you, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper.

•     Women are not sex or fetish vending machines, you meat-headed shit sack. If you want pussy or kink on demand, hire a sex worker. If you treat them like you apparently treat random women on the internet, expect to pay an extra, "douchebarrel surcharge".

•  "Lesbian" does not mean, "hasn't found teh magic peen". Are you willing to try the cocks of random strangers to determine whether you are SURE you don't like cock?? No? Then don't expect anyone else to, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous poo fungus. 

•     If you don't have anything more interesting to say than, "hi", "hru", or some other banal nonsense, try reading their profile and coming up with something of substance to say. We aren't here to entertain you on demand. If you want a conversation, make actual conversation. Duh! 

•     Unless actually asked, talking about your sexual preferences, desires, telling a woman you are horny, or sharing details or photos of your genitals is RUDE and unwanted! Don't fucking do it, you slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit.

Now, if you have managed to get this far, without  defaulting to a butthurt, tantrum tirade, and would like to actually converse with, and/or get to know the woman you messaged, start with the profile!!

Click here for a link to mine (the author of this post).


And if you want to know how to get a positive response from me, specifically, click here.

If you got here from a link posted by someone OTHER than Khaos, thank the gods that this useful information is being shared to more of the rando idiots out there!

 To see or post interactions with HNGs, Dumbinants, do-me"slaves", and all other manner of specimens surely in training for the Darwin Awards, check out GL's Return to Sender section, here: https://goreanliving.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=45 .

To all and sundry wanting to send this to the fuck-knuckles who slime into your inboxes, FEEL FREE to do so! Just please share the link, rather than copy pasting it as though it is your own. 

In fact, you are welcome to use the message I made for IRC as well. To use as an IRC script, paste as is in your alias scripts, and then type /prize or /asl , respectively, on a single line to activate it. To use as an emote anywhere emotes are supported, start with the /me part. 

This one is for general randos (The number is the first 76 digits of Euler's Number) :

/prize /me covers her ears as she knows what's coming next. A VERY LOUD buzzer sounds, followed by an important announcement... 04"CONGRATULATIONS! You are the lucky winner of the Rando Wanker Number 2.718281828459045235360287471352662497757247093699959574966967627724076630353……….. PRIZE! To collect your very special prize, please visit: http://blog.goreanliving.com/2019/02/conversation-non-starters.html "

And this one is just for those mental giants who begin an interaction with, "ASL". (The number is the first 100 digits of pi):

 /asl /me covers her ears as she knows what's coming next. A VERY LOUD buzzer sounds, followed by an important announcement... 04"CONGRATULATIONS! You are the lucky winner of the ASL Wanker Number 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 7067~e PRIZE! To collect your very special prize, please visit: http://blog.goreanliving.com/2019/02/conversation-non-starters.html "

Enjoy!

P.S.

Bonus points if you spotted any or all of the film quotes/near quotes I sprinkled in there for additional entertainment value. 

The absolute, MOST vital survival tool! You and those depending on you WILL DIE if you don't use it!

Make sure this is part of your every day carry!!

Sure, there are lots and lots of articles, advertisements, blog posts, and such out there claiming that this or that piece of gear is the number one, most important thing to have in your kit, but this one is the only one that pretty much guarantees failure if you don't use it. 

Everyone already has on at their disposal, and it's free to use. In fact, the more you use it, the more useful it becomes, and, unlike most gear, the longer it takes to wear out!

I'm referring, of course, to BRAINS - Not just the zombie apocalypse delicacy of choice, but a fully integrated, versatile, and irreplaceable item!

A quick Google search for "most important survival tool" yields many hits, and differing opinions, with a few enduring trends.

Among the claims of what ONE thing will save you if you have nothing else, the most common were (in order of popularity):

• knife
• multi-tool 
• water filter
• water
• food
• water container
• machete  
• axe
• warm clothing
• ammo
• can opener
• tarp (WTF??)
• prayer
• first aid kit

The third hit got close, with, "knowledge", and the third hit on the second page of results added to that with, "Practice and Common Sense", but it was halfway down the third page of results before I finally found, "the three-pound object that rests between your ears. Your brain!". 

In the articles, blogs, how-tos, etc on the first five pages of results, including comments on the various articles, "brain" or "mind" only popped up three times! The ones listed above all were mentioned a great many times, and there were lots of other one-offs, but it seems the idea of being smart is just not all that popular.

I admit, talking about how to prepare SMART doesn't make for nearly as cool articles and videos as all the latest, ultralight gear, knives and firearms to make Rambo green with envy, and video tutorials on how to make a fire bow & drill, build a debris shelter, collect water, and the like, and all those skills and a lot of the gear are absolutely great to have, but seriously, none of that is going to be worth a thing if you can't think on your feet and make smart decisions on the fly and in short order!

SO... If you have nothing else at all when the shit hits the fan, be sure that you've been keeping your most important and useful survival tool in your EDC honed to a razor-sharp edge and using it daily, so it will serve you well when life depends on it.