What I like about and seek within a D/s dynamic (from the 's' side)

 

 

I have been tasked with writing out, in detail, what I like about D/s (from the bottom), what, exactly, I seek within a D/s dynamic, and why. 

If you are a dominant man interested in pursuing a D/s dynamic with me, it is hoped that you would read this entire post, as well as my full profile, if you have not already done so, to see if you are actually interested. 

What I seek

 I seek an authority and protocol oriented (as opposed to sexually or romantically oriented) D/s dynamic, with a strong focus on motivating me to develop and maintain good habits, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in addition to service and BDSM aspects, as applicable. 

Clearly defined rules, expectations, routines, discipline, and communication are essential for me.  I want - I NEED - someone who will motivate and push me to do my own footwork, who will not accept anything less than my best, and who will never consider failure to be a valid option.

  When I find a man to whom I will submit, I will strive to be obedient and pleasing to him, to serve him well and humbly, and to reflect well upon him and everyone who has graced me with their time and effort to train, teach, and mould me over the years.

The arrangement could, potentially, include periods of "contract slavery" (meaning, in this context, a set period or periods of time, during which I behave and am treated fully as a slave - likely in private only, but technically retain my status as a free woman). 

Someone local would be great, and would allow for the BDSM aspects I crave, though long distance is doable, with proper communication and oversight.

What I like (and some of the why)
I like the structure, comfort, and security that D/s can provide. 

Life is full of uncertainties, and that can be even more true for someone who tends to be fiercely independent in most areas of life. When you have only yourself to answer to, sure, there is a lot of freedom in that, however, there is also the risk of becoming stagnant, losing focus or motivation, or getting caught in a tailspin trying to second guess yourself. 
Having established structure, rules, routines, schedule, and ongoing goals helps keep me healthy, in all respects, and I know that, but often, at least for me, simply knowing something is the right thing to do for myself isn't enough motivation. Even when I know I'm going to feel bad or guilty if I do/don't do something, I will often go for the instant gratification instead, and then feel like crap over it for the next however long. 

I have no problem doing right by other people, but if it's just me who is affected, it's a struggle. 
It is a weakness. I know it is. I have lots of strengths. That is not one. 

When I am answering to someone else for these sorts of things, I have more motivation, because I don't want to let that person down. Disappointing or displeasing someone to whom I am in service is very emotionally upsetting to me, and I will go to great lengths to avoid doing so. Conversely, having specific goals, tasks, rules, and similar means to be pleasing gives me more incentive to reach and maintain those goals - to know that he is proud of me, and/or pleased with me. 

The comfort and security factors come with knowing where the boundaries are, what is expected of me, and that his rules will be enforced. I need to know that wilfully disobeying or falling short will result in consequences beyond just feeling bad, and that his will is strong enough that he will follow through and follow up. I will not "brat" constantly on purpose, try and force his hand, or "top from the bottom" to try and get a particular outcome, however, I do have a strong tendency to test boundaries (usually so I know exactly where they are and that they are real). 
I can also frequently go too far before realising I am doing so, when I am passionate about something, or caught up in the moment, especially if that moment seems funny to me. That can usually be brought to heel right away with a simple look, tone, or word to remind me of my place. I just need someone willing and able to give me that word, look, tone, command, or what have you.  

I can be a frustrating person. I am on the autism spectrum and have ADHD. I easily get distracted, have trouble staying on task, and lose track of or forget what I am meant to be doing frequently. I tend to take what people say at their face value, and miss "hints", subtext, and sometimes humour, because I can take things literally. I rely heavily on logic, and am more prone to rail against a decision if it doesn't make sense to me. I will get caught up in technicalities. I argue easily. I will find and probably exploit loopholes. I will be upfront and honest about doing so, giving information and opportunity to close them, rather than using them to be deceitful or get away with things in secret, but I will use them if they are there. It is my nature. It truly isn't deliberate, and I WANT to be good! That's why I need someone more dominant than I, to keep me in check, be very clear with me about boundaries and expectations, and be able to give the command to shut me down when needed. That someone has to have the tenacity to not give up on me, even when I do the same stupid/annoying crap for the umpteenth time.

Some insight on the whys and how to better manage and mitigate some of my annoying traits can be found here.

Some background information, may, perhaps, offer a better understanding of what I seek, and why.
I have been free since 2010, March 1.
For close to eight years prior to that, I was a Gorean slave; Fully owned, subject to all free (within the confines of my master's wishes, of course), and rightless.  I was given much rigorous training in casual and formalised service of food and drink, domestic and personal services, common slave positions, walking, standing, crawling, and speaking as a slave, striving for absolute obedience, perfect service, deference, and remembering to always mind my station, and speak "from my knees", in thought, even when not in fact.

 I also have been active in the BDSM scene since the very early 1990s, and have a great deal of experience with many forms of play, including a substantial amount of "edge play". I have a fairly high threshold for many forms of pain, so can be taken relatively far in terms of pain or other extreme sensation. (I have more detailed information regarding that, as well as references)
I tend to be driven by the desire to serve, so will endure a great many things I may not, necessarily like, for the sake of pleasing the one to whom I am in service at a given time.

Now, to more of the aforementioned whys...
Since being granted freedom, I have much enjoyed the privileges afforded me; The ability to speak as and when I see fit, to show deference and/or respect based on merit, rather than status, to come and go as I please, wear what I like, and answer to no one but myself, my higher power, or other legitimate authority that life can present to us all. (Please note that if I agree to submit to someone, that places them in the legitimate authority category.)

I wish to retain some degree of these freedoms. 

Nonetheless, I find that I miss many of the forms and fulfilments of service, being held in perfect obedience, put to my knees or through "slave paces" (positions, formalised serving, etc), subject to discipline, bound by rules, given tasks and/or punishments, whether for my own betterment, or simply because it pleases the one in charge.
I sometimes need to find that place within myself which is available only in subjugation of my will to that of another, completely adhering to the proper mindset, behaviour, and demeanour befitting a slave when serving in that capacity, whether that service is taking a beating, polishing boots (to USMC standards!) or silverware, cooking and/or serving meal or drinks, washing the dishes, engaging in conversation, simply sitting at their feet, or whatever other task or duty may be required of me. 

More importantly, I consistently find that I need direction and enforcement in order to stay on a proper path. Left completely to my own devices, I tend to go completely adrift, and crash and burn. I need to be accountable to an external authority in order to keep that from happening. And yes, I do mean "need". It has become very clear that this is a need, rather than a want. In fact, there are times when I really DON'T "want" it; But I definitely need it!

Here is the rub though...
I don't want to surrender completely, without limit, as I have before. I do not want to be a slave/property/owned.
I (selfishly, perhaps, but I must be utterly honest here) want to have a say in the limits and terms of my service.
I prefer to negotiate, rather than to simply hand over all future decisions and rights to another person.

If you've gotten this far, and are still interested in more details, here is more information on the things I explicitly do not want.

 Below is a list of my previous owners/dominants, and some of the rules and contracts within those dynamics. I'd ideally like something very close to the most recent contract again, though, of course, every dominant will have their own additions/tweaks. Constructive comments and suggestions on the editable, Google doc are welcome.

• Chuck - Contracted "Owner" (FW contracted "slavery") most of 2000 (links to contract and rules when I find the old info.)
• Owl - Contracted "Owner" 2003.07.19 - 2003.09.16 (FW contracted "slavery".) [contract & rules]
  
•  Owl - Owner 2003.09.16 - 2010.03.01 - (no contract - full chattel slavery. Was freed and summarily dismissed soon after.) [rules]
• CW - Dom/Commander late 2010 to 2015, December (no contract - verbal agreement. "Official" dynamic ended due to mutual agreement to focus on underlying relationship, rather than D/s.) [rules]
• LRD - Dom early 2016 to 2018.03.06 - (Closest to what I currently seek. Was released from service due to his personal reasons preventing him from being able to be responsible for a sub.) [contract]  [rules]
• Necrotic - "Manager/Handler" 2020.04.13 - 2020.07.29 (no contract - verbal agreement. Rules were still being worked out when I was dismissed. Again.)
• DDW - Dom 2022.01.11 - 2022.10.22 (no contract & constantly changing rules. Ended due to incompatible goals.)
  

Both dismissals, as well as several failed considerations have taught me additional things, and one, in particular resulted in quite a lot more disclosures here (on this and linked pages). Hopefully, these lessons and additions will help me to be more pleasing, and help the next dom/potential dom more fully understand what he may be getting into, which will, even more hopefully, be less likely to result in my being dismissed in disgrace, yet again.

Also added, 2019.09.24, due to multiple requests for link, the schedule I am meant to be keeping. I haven't been doing a great job, of late.
[Schedule]                                                                                                                                                          

Seeking kajira

  Updated: 2022.04.26

For would be slaves who wish to serve me:

I have a primary slave who is, and will remain First Boy (AKA alpha slave).

I am seeking a lesbian or bisexual kajira to add to my household as a personal slave, who is either local or able to relocate.

A girl need not specifically be trained as "kajira". Kajira is simply the "Gorean" word for, "slave girl". If I own her, she will, by definition, be kajira, and I will train her to my specifications.

(I am also looking for a house slave, to assist with the heavier domestic duties, which have become too much for my boy, as he ages. Click here  for more information.)

Applicants wishing to be considered will:

• Take the time and effort to read this post, and my full profile in their entirety, before contacting me.
• Write a well worded, polite, and concise introduction, using proper spelling (UK or US spellings are fine, and if English is not your first language, that will be taken into consideration. It is the effort I am concerned with!), grammar, capitalisation and punctuation, telling me why you wish to serve me and what qualifications, skills, and/or traits you possess.
• Be rigorously and entirely honest; Both with me and in all areas of their lives. (Note: This does NOT mean giving out your personal information before we are ready to move to that level! That is simply foolish, and I have no use for a stupid or foolish slave!)
• Have a sincere desire to serve, please, and obey.
• Practice good personal hygiene and grooming.
• Be drama free.
• Have and maintain her own living quarters. This will not be a live-in position. (If relocating, I will, of course, do what I can to assist in finding appropriate housing).
  
• Be mature and capable of independence.
• Not be allergic or overly sensitive to cigar smoke. Cigar enthusiast a BIG plus!
• Like, and be able to be around animals, especially dogs. 
• Not try to "usurp", or  otherwise displace my first slave in any way. He was here first, and his position will be respected. 
• Be primarily FEMALE identified and bodied (bits need not be "original" equipment). That means, to be quite frank, have breasts, vulva, and a vagina, and be willing to be used sexually as a female, by a female. A boi or non-binary person is not out of the question, as long as they are cool with being related to, presented, and used primarily as a girl, at least a good portion of the time, so be secure in your gender stuff. I have no desire to fuck anyone up or contribute to dysphoria! TVs/CDs/sissies and non-op MtF need not apply. Pre-op MtF may be negotiable, depending on chemistry/fit and other factors.

My kajira will perform both domestic and personal duties, including being used sexually. Domestic service will include things such as cleaning, organizing, occasional cooking, miscellaneous household tasks, and occasionally entertaining guests. Personal service involves serving me food and drink, cigar service, pampering me with massages, foot service/pedicures, manicures, grooming, and the like, accompanying me to events or on errands, serving as my playtoy, and anything else that I decide will please me. She will never be required to be sexual with men, though will be permitted to on occasion if she desires and earns the privilege.

In turn, I will nurture, train, guide and cherish her as the jewel on my chain I require her to be, as she is consistently maintained and improved.

I expect slaves to obey, not necessarily without question, but without undue hesitation or unnecessary questioning, and to provide me, promptly, with any information that is relevant to the situation.

I also expect respect and deference to be shown to me and to all free persons at all times.
While I do not insist on "high protocol" all the time, preferring a more relaxed approach most of the time, the slavery will be absolute and I will NOT tolerate blatant disrespect, rudeness, drama, attempted manipulation, "topping from the bottom", or disobedience. Those will be punished quickly and, if continued, will result in dismissal.

I would prefer a girl who has had at least some training, however, applicants will not be disregarded solely because they do not. A sincere desire to learn, obey, and be pleasing is far more important to me than prior training. I will train you to suit my preferences, either way.

I do not take ownership lightly, nor do I stand for "Velcro collars".
Once the collar is on, it is on. If it comes off, it stays off. (This does not apply to temporary, physical removal, as may be needed for medical or other purposes.)

I am not interested in solving all your problems for you, relieving you of your responsibilities as an adult, or excessive micromanaging.

I own slaves in order to make my life more pleasant, not to add troubles. That said, I will provide guidance, encouragement, and support in areas of self improvement, with the expectation that you will do the footwork required.

I enjoy many aspects of BDSM and I am a sadist. When we play, I will not take you beyond what you can handle, but I WILL push your limits and you will not necessarily enjoy everything I do to you, but will take what I dish out in order to please me, so you may bask in the glow of approval that comes with a job well done. I enjoy screams and moans of pleasure just as much as I enjoy those of pain, so it will not all be for my pleasure alone. What it will always be is at my whim.

Any potential slave initially met online will be interviewed and we will communicate online, followed by telephone/voice/Skype contact, to see if it seems like we are compatible.
If it seems likely, we will arrange to meet in a neutral and public location, where we will talk further and get to know one another a bit more. If that meeting is productive and positive, we will meet again, as many times as needed for both of us to feel comfortable moving to the next level.

If all that goes well, the slave will undergo a period of consideration, during which, she will receive training and will serve me as though in my collar, until she has proven herself, AND she feels ready to commit to becoming my property.
Questions in response to this post are welcome, AFTER you have read the entire post and my profile, to see if your question has already been answered.

Responses that contain "net speak", lack of punctuation, S/slashy T/typing, or rudeness will likely be ignored, as will questions that are already answered in this post or my profile.

**While the parts of your appearance over which you have no immediate control are largely unimportant, I insist that you make the effort to properly bathe and groom yourself routinely, and wear clean clothing. I understand that many of us cannot afford "nice" clothing, but it doesn't cost anything to make the effort to present oneself by making sure that you, and what you have is clean and neat!

A couple of additional posts, detailing many of my rules and other things to expect in my collar, can be found here (rules), and here (misc).

Here is another thing, just because. A letter to my kajira.